Not sure I've ever blogged on this topic before but here it is.
In our home we have three rules. Why? It makes it easier for me to remember and the kids actually know them and Gianna can recite them:
1. You must obey.
2. You must be kind.
3. Mama does what Mama says.
You must be kind also includes: You can't beat, bite, hit or otherwise hurt anyone in our family including your brother/sister. I sometimes remind them of this by saying: "We don't hurt other people in our family because that isn't kind."...attempting to link the action to rule #2.
I hope this still works as they age (again, because I can remember three rules). For example, we are kind to our own bodies, to our friends, etc. We don't have a set bed time mostly because they can't tell time. Generally, they go to bed between 7 and 730. But, when they are a little older and begin to argue with why it is bedtime I can come back to either rule 1 or 2. Use the "children obey your parent(s)" line for rule #1 or another approach that empowers them to be responsible...We are kind to our bodies and therefore you need to go to sleep because yours needs rest.
Those of you with older children can laugh at that last line if you want but in the start of my 5th year of parenting this is working for me :).
Just thought I'd share. Summary: Simplify wherever you can and for our family, this works.
In our home we have three rules. Why? It makes it easier for me to remember and the kids actually know them and Gianna can recite them:
1. You must obey.
2. You must be kind.
3. Mama does what Mama says.
You must be kind also includes: You can't beat, bite, hit or otherwise hurt anyone in our family including your brother/sister. I sometimes remind them of this by saying: "We don't hurt other people in our family because that isn't kind."...attempting to link the action to rule #2.
I hope this still works as they age (again, because I can remember three rules). For example, we are kind to our own bodies, to our friends, etc. We don't have a set bed time mostly because they can't tell time. Generally, they go to bed between 7 and 730. But, when they are a little older and begin to argue with why it is bedtime I can come back to either rule 1 or 2. Use the "children obey your parent(s)" line for rule #1 or another approach that empowers them to be responsible...We are kind to our bodies and therefore you need to go to sleep because yours needs rest.
Those of you with older children can laugh at that last line if you want but in the start of my 5th year of parenting this is working for me :).
Just thought I'd share. Summary: Simplify wherever you can and for our family, this works.
PS - The photo is from our visit to the circus this past week. Kids had a blast. Gianna was analytical without smiles until we left and then announced that she loved it and didn't want to leave; Zade got to ride a pony and this was the highlight of his week! Both got snowcones and we even came in under budget for this event! We took our own glow in the dark arm bands. Auntie & Memae came too. Oh what fun!
3 comments:
I like the pic!
Your rules remind me of when I was really involved with Neighborhood Ministries (inner city ministry in Phx.). We had three rules also. I think they were:
1) Respect God
2) Respect each other
3) Respect our property (everyone's)
It definitely helps to simplify sometimes!
Yes, our rules were always:
1) You can't do anything to hurt yourself (rules out things like jumping on the beds, climbing bookshelves, and covers bedtimes, hygiene etc.)
2) You can't do anything to hurt anyone else (takes care of the sibling things and then relational stuff as they age)
3) You can't do anything to hurt people's stuff (thus no writing on walls, painting on carpets, etc)
Love the simple approach. Yours are very good. I'd love to hear you elaborate on how you use rule #3 ... :o)
Pam - Very similar to ours - especially the must be kind one...
RE: #3 - This has two parts.
a. Mama follows through. No idle threats. If she says you are going to bed, getting a treat, or X is happening as a result of your actions, well you better be ready because it is going to happen! They know I'm serious.
Here is an example: Recently, I told Gianna that if she took all of her clothes out of her dresser during nap time one more time, she was going to really miss having a dresser in her room because Mama was going to relocate it to the hallway and be in charge of it until she could demonstrate that she had earned it back. I then looked at her and and asked: Does Mama do what Mama says? She looked at me very seriously and said "Yes." No more throwing clothes around.
b. The other side of this is when they are feeling a little insecure about something and I've told them that Y is going to happen. I look at them and say, "Does Mama do what Mama says?" Response: Yes. "Ok, then Mama will do Y, right?" Yes. They understand that it is going to happen. Example: Mama is going to work now. I know you really want to go swimming, have a picnic, eat ice cream, ride your bike to the mailbox, etc. now. Mama will do that with you after work today. (look of concern comes over their face(s))....Question: "Does Mama do what Mama says?" Yes. Another example is when I say they have to get one shot. Response: "No, I DO NOT WANT SHOTS." Me: I didn't say you were getting shotS. I said you would get ONE shot. They calm down. They aren't sure. We get to the doctor. We have the whole discussion again. I ask, does Mama do what Mama says? Yes. OK, Mama will only let them give you/you get ONE shot today. They calm down. They know exactly what is going to happen.
My Mom always gets concerned on this one. She'll say something like: You'd better come home and not get killed or injured today because I'm not going to enjoy telling them why you didn't do Y (especially on the good things) if you are dead. Then, I always respond with ... Mom, it's not explaining to them why I didn't do "Y" that will be the challenge. It will be that I'm dead - that will be a much more challenging discussion as you'll be crying and they'll be confused and sad!
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