I read the blog of a BIG family.
One Mama
One bio daughter
38 children - adopted into this BIG family.
Amazing Christian Mama.
Amazing kids.
Tragic things, but love...
Here is something that struck me on her blog today:
"I will have raised them all the same, with boundaries, expectations, with education and spiritual guidance. I'll have provided stability, security, a very decent home with a swimming pool and regular meals...yet most of everything will be loudly rejected,
as accepting me painfully signifies and acknowledges their horrific loss of losing a birth parent, no matter how terrible their former circumstances may have been. It's an awful ordeal to have lost a parent, sentencing a child to a lifetime of grief, abandonment and rejection issues that will simmer under the surface forever, coloring everything they will ever do to some degree.
I can step back and comprehend, through my own tears sometimes, that they're not rejecting me, not furious with me, but with what I represent.
I represent LOSS.
I unknowingly illustrate it each day to them,"
Father's Day:
Father's Day, like it's counterpart Mother's Day, is fraught with difficulties for adopted children, reminding them of major losses and deep inward yearnings, creating an explosive mix. I'm downplaying it, of course, even the fact that I have a dad is kept low key.
Smith Household:
We will also downplay Father's Day today. Paupi and Uncle Kelly are coming over later. Both Fathers BUT not to my children.
Child #1 - lost a bio father at birth. She doesn't even know this, yet. Lost the daily interaction of a Daddy when he opted to leave before she was 2 years old. Now, she gets a call from him every 7-10 days - not consistent, not predictable but thankfully she can't read a calendar yet! But, there is pain there. He doesn't acknowledge it. But she does. And the fact that she has a father is something she torments her brother about.
Child #2 - No bio father.
No adoptive father. There was to be one but...he walked away three weeks before he was to legally become his Daddy. He cared for him for 11 weeks, signed a legal obligation to adopt and make lots of promises to be his Daddy and yet my son is Fatherless. He is old enough to make things up about his "Daddy." Ask him and he'll tell you that his Daddy lives in a red house and has a Thomas the Train movie. When he asks me where his Daddy is, I respond with "I don't know but maybe God will bring us a Daddy for you. someday."
Both children have the BEST Father - The Father to the Fatherless. Thankfully BUT that doesn't provide someone to climb up on his lap and read stories, tuck them in at night or be the recipient of a handmade gift from a nearly 3 year old.
We are NOT going to church today because they've already announced that they are doing a big thing for Fathers and well, our family doesn't really have fathers to parent children. We don't need to encourage any more discussion on a Daddy for Zade to feel empty inside. He doesn't get that God is his father, yet. Someday.
Instead, we'll stay home. All women/girls and a little boy.
I turned on TV this morning as G has woken up as a little "pill" and on our no-commercial TV station for kids, they just had two groups of kids yelling "Happy Father's Day!"....Guess that won't even work. Maybe the beach.
For those with Fathers, HUG THEM today. For those who are fathers, STEP UP. YOU MATTER. period. Don't make promises you can't/won't keep. Love your children's mothers.
OK, moving on. One thing - I'm so thankful that I had good experiences with my Dad as a child. I'm secure in it. I wonder how my kids will end up on this note.
side note: We are all called to love orphans and widows. I wonder if part of it is for the Christian men in our world to come alongside children without Fathers. To show them in human form the love of our Heavenly Father - even in their imperfect ways. If you are a man and you know of a child without a father, please consider showing him the love of our Lord through your words and actions. Maybe you could do this on a long-term basis - Kind of like a Big Brother's program. Informal but yet consistent and long term. What an incredible service opportunity.
One Mama
One bio daughter
38 children - adopted into this BIG family.
Amazing Christian Mama.
Amazing kids.
Tragic things, but love...
Here is something that struck me on her blog today:
"I will have raised them all the same, with boundaries, expectations, with education and spiritual guidance. I'll have provided stability, security, a very decent home with a swimming pool and regular meals...yet most of everything will be loudly rejected,
as accepting me painfully signifies and acknowledges their horrific loss of losing a birth parent, no matter how terrible their former circumstances may have been. It's an awful ordeal to have lost a parent, sentencing a child to a lifetime of grief, abandonment and rejection issues that will simmer under the surface forever, coloring everything they will ever do to some degree.
I can step back and comprehend, through my own tears sometimes, that they're not rejecting me, not furious with me, but with what I represent.
I represent LOSS.
I unknowingly illustrate it each day to them,"
Father's Day:
Father's Day, like it's counterpart Mother's Day, is fraught with difficulties for adopted children, reminding them of major losses and deep inward yearnings, creating an explosive mix. I'm downplaying it, of course, even the fact that I have a dad is kept low key.
Smith Household:
We will also downplay Father's Day today. Paupi and Uncle Kelly are coming over later. Both Fathers BUT not to my children.
Child #1 - lost a bio father at birth. She doesn't even know this, yet. Lost the daily interaction of a Daddy when he opted to leave before she was 2 years old. Now, she gets a call from him every 7-10 days - not consistent, not predictable but thankfully she can't read a calendar yet! But, there is pain there. He doesn't acknowledge it. But she does. And the fact that she has a father is something she torments her brother about.
Child #2 - No bio father.
No adoptive father. There was to be one but...he walked away three weeks before he was to legally become his Daddy. He cared for him for 11 weeks, signed a legal obligation to adopt and make lots of promises to be his Daddy and yet my son is Fatherless. He is old enough to make things up about his "Daddy." Ask him and he'll tell you that his Daddy lives in a red house and has a Thomas the Train movie. When he asks me where his Daddy is, I respond with "I don't know but maybe God will bring us a Daddy for you. someday."
Both children have the BEST Father - The Father to the Fatherless. Thankfully BUT that doesn't provide someone to climb up on his lap and read stories, tuck them in at night or be the recipient of a handmade gift from a nearly 3 year old.
We are NOT going to church today because they've already announced that they are doing a big thing for Fathers and well, our family doesn't really have fathers to parent children. We don't need to encourage any more discussion on a Daddy for Zade to feel empty inside. He doesn't get that God is his father, yet. Someday.
Instead, we'll stay home. All women/girls and a little boy.
I turned on TV this morning as G has woken up as a little "pill" and on our no-commercial TV station for kids, they just had two groups of kids yelling "Happy Father's Day!"....Guess that won't even work. Maybe the beach.
For those with Fathers, HUG THEM today. For those who are fathers, STEP UP. YOU MATTER. period. Don't make promises you can't/won't keep. Love your children's mothers.
OK, moving on. One thing - I'm so thankful that I had good experiences with my Dad as a child. I'm secure in it. I wonder how my kids will end up on this note.
side note: We are all called to love orphans and widows. I wonder if part of it is for the Christian men in our world to come alongside children without Fathers. To show them in human form the love of our Heavenly Father - even in their imperfect ways. If you are a man and you know of a child without a father, please consider showing him the love of our Lord through your words and actions. Maybe you could do this on a long-term basis - Kind of like a Big Brother's program. Informal but yet consistent and long term. What an incredible service opportunity.
1 comments:
What painful thoughts to record today. Thanks for posting honestly about this. I'm so sorry for the losses your family has faced. I have thought of that and prayed for you over the last couple years. I wish I'd done a better job of letting you know that! I love your thoughts about Christian men possibly filling that role in some way for fatherless children.
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