I really dislike what Christmas highlights in my children's hearts. Especially G. So much so that she was disciplined right in the middle of opening gifts, she cried and I spent much of the day either crying or super sad. I couldn't shake it.
How did we get here? Why did I ever follow the traditions of a big Christmas? How do we get "out" of this?
So, the details...
In the middle of open gifts when all is "going well", she comes to sit by me (looking for another gift). I hand her one from under the tree. I tell her that this is a special gift. A really special gift that I made just for her. I scoop her up, put her in my lap while she opens the package. She removes the paper. I say wow! "Mama made you a box." She giggles. "No, Mama!" She removes the snapfish book from the box. Somewhat disappointed. I say, "I really want to show you what is in this book, OK?" Yup.
We start. It is a book containing images of most of HER preschool art (year 1 - the day before kindergarten started in Sept 2011.
We look through a few pages. She's not treating the pages with respect but hurrying to get through them. I try to slow her down. I tell her stories of each photo. She doesn't care. I whisper in here ear. I'm calm, gentle, loving. She rips a page.
Then, it began. I was ticked. Hundreds of hours into this project and she could care less. It's about her. It's HER artwork. It's part of HER story. You would think that she'd be interested but nope.
She just wanted to get through this thing. In her mom's loving arms. A gift that wasn't what she WANTED. She wanted to get it over so she could get on to another package to get more stuff. GREED.
"Greed is an excessive desire to possess wealth, goods, or abstract things of value with the intention to keep it for one's self." An inappropriate desire...
My heart breaks. I don't even know how to fix this.
Then, her favorite gift: $1 worth of repositional erasers Santa placed in her stocking. Seriously? Erasers. Great.
Sorry to be Debby Downer over here but...
-We did Christmas Eve service.
-She sang - on a huge stage in from of 900+ people.
-We hung stockings.
-We read the Christmas story from the Bible (which was also a negative experience this year as we had a MUCH more interesting dog visiting to entertain the kids)...I stopped reading the story. Later, G came with her little Gideon Bible and asked me to finish the story. So, I finished reading it to her. Sweetly, just the two of us.
-We finished this very nice nativity activity we'd worked on all week (on Christmas Day).
-The kids cleaned out their rooms and donated toys to other kids.
-We "did" Christmas gifts for an entire family, a refugee and a single mom just barely holding onto her child.
-We are so blessed and we try to help many others...this is a part of our daily lives and yet...ugh.
Church on Christmas Day...They all went, I couldn't stop crying and I took a nap instead (who would do that?)
AHHHHH.
Broken.
She ended up being rocked like a baby in my arms as her heart broke. Right by the tree. With snow falling out the window behind us...What others would say is a "perfect white Christmas" which was SOOO not what Christmas is about.
How do I "fix" this for next year?
And I'm still asking: Did this happen because I was overtired? She was overwhelmed? How inappropriately did I handle this? How can she be a part of a family that is so generous and yet she is often very greedy?!?!?! I mean seriously, we are a very generous family. And she sees it/experiences it.
How do we refocus Christmas to be about Jesus?
PS - At dinner, I learned later from my sister, that G announced to the kids "I get more presents because I have a Daddy who sends me presents." Oh honey, if you only knew. Z's birth mom sent him 3 gifts including a red motorized (very cool) car that he rides in. Value = greater than what your Daddy contributes - $$-wise and sacrificially. It's not about what you get. It's about what you give and how you love others.
2 comments:
I'm so sorry. It is so hard and discouraging, isn't it? I can't say we've avoided this entirely, by any means, but overall, we've kept gifts for our kids to a minimum and that has helped keep the focus off of material things they 'get' on holidays and birthdays. By that, I mean that for birthdays, we do 'no gift' parties. Friends come and have fun together, celebrating their friendship with the birthday girl. I request they don't bring gifts, and after a couple years, friends' parents finally believed us. (They seem relieved, even! :) So our kids get a gift from us, and a few from immediate family at a family party or later that same day.
Christmas is kept simple on both sides of the family, and at home, with only a couple small things from us. We've done it that way for years, so maybe that'd be a stretch to change that now. But if it appealed to you, I can say that all our kids, despite their different personalities and struggles (yes, including selfishness and greed), have adjusted well and take it in stride now. Praying for you tonight. I'm sorry it was a rough day. :(
Besides minimizing gifts, I know some families do a birthday cake for Jesus. It's a fun idea! I keep saying we'll do that someday.... :)
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