Heaven in the eyes of G with a Twist of Z :)

G always had a blind, childish faith. She loved Jesus and God and still does enjoy Christian music and reading her Bible.

Then, Easter came.

She no longer wants to go to heaven and since she knows that you have to pray for Jesus to go to heaven, she no longer wants to pray - at all - for fear that she'll go to heaven. Right now. Why? The whole death of Jesus thing at Easter was shared in Sunday School and she is freaked out!

She is convinced that heaven is a bad place - since it is far away from her family and friends.
"I don't want to go to heaven. I don't like Jesus. I'm not praying anymore."

When we pray at dinner, her eyes remain open and she looks around with the attitude of "I'm not participating, la, la, la." This is an improvement over the yelling - "No, Mama! Don't pray! I don't want you to go to heaven!!!" (fear in the voice)

:(

Then comes Z-man. Somehow he hasn't yet picked up on her new attitude of not liking heaven.

On Sunday I was walking down the stairs after retrieving clothes for church. Z was at the bottom of the stairs. He looks up and says: "Mama, I want to go to heaven."

me - you do?
Z- yes.
me - well, to go to heaven you need to pray for Jesus to take care of you and be in your heart.
Z- ok.

I say some things. He repeats after me.

G turns to him and gives him a hug and says "I'm going to miss you."
Z: "I miss you too. Bye."
G: "I will take pictures of everything here in the whole world. I'll send them to you, K?"
Z: "OK!" (with a big smile.) You send me pictures!?

He turns to me and has a look of "So, when are we leaving?'

I have the biggest smile on my face.
I respond with "Um, so who wants to get dressed?" and we are onto things like breakfast, shoes, church, lunch, etc...

So sweet.

(And no, I don't believe this was my 35 month old's profession of faith. Perhaps a practice session or something?)

At age 16 years...

On the way home from the mall tonight, Gianna asked:

"Mama, when I am 16 will you buy me a pogo stick?"
Yes, I would be happy to, G. Anything else?
"Yes, when I'm 16 will you buy me a skateboard too?"
You bet!

Johnna encouraged me to get it on video....I need to do that so that when she asks for a car I can just hand her the pogo stick and skateboard with a nice/special smile. Oh, I can't wait!!!

Quote

I'm not into the whole Saint thing BUT I read this on a blog today and it touched me:

You have no body on earth but ours,
No hands but ours,
No feet but ours.

Ours are the eyes through which
your compassion must look out on the world.

Ours are the feet by which
you may still go about doing good.

Ours are the hands with which
You bless people now.

Bless our minds and bodies,
That we may be a blessing to others.

St. Theresa of Avila

Please Pray (Now!)-adoption related

A couple from our church is in China to pick up their daughter. Her name is Tuvia (Too-vee-a) - aka Jing Jing. She will be 2 on July 3rd. She is a special needs child (they pursued a special needs child).

They are the parents of two bio kids. (preschoolers staying with Grandma in the states while they are in China).

I believe from their last post that they are REALLY STRUGGLING WITH WHETHER OR NOT TO COMPLETE THE ADOPTION.

They need our prayers.

FYI -When they started this, Tuvia had some specific issues but then during the waiting period, there was an accident in which she fell from a couch, landed on her head and had a stroke. She has a lot more issues now than when they started.

Here is their last post:
Mountain Climbing
When Climbing a mountain and you come to a crevasse in it which way to you go? Which way do you go? Do you go down into it and risk never coming out of it? Do you go around it and maybe never get around it? Can you go over it? Which way do you go when you want to make it to the top of the mountain in one piece?

All of their other posts have been about their experiences and about Tuvia.

They are a STRONG but young Christian couple (A & T). I have known the father (A) since he was a young child - grew up in the same church.

As an advocate of adoption, child and families, I can only imagine...

Please pray for them as they make this decision. Also, their son, "N", is really struggling as he sees his Mama on Skype holding a little girl almost his same age.
Thanks,
K

Loss of a Parent

I read the blog of a BIG family.
One Mama
One bio daughter
38 children - adopted into this BIG family.
Amazing Christian Mama.
Amazing kids.
Tragic things, but love...

Here is something that struck me on her blog today:
"I will have raised them all the same, with boundaries, expectations, with education and spiritual guidance. I'll have provided stability, security, a very decent home with a swimming pool and regular meals...yet most of everything will be loudly rejected,

as accepting me painfully signifies and acknowledges their horrific loss of losing a birth parent, no matter how terrible their former circumstances may have been. It's an awful ordeal to have lost a parent, sentencing a child to a lifetime of grief, abandonment and rejection issues that will simmer under the surface forever, coloring everything they will ever do to some degree.

I can step back and comprehend, through my own tears sometimes, that they're not rejecting me, not furious with me, but with what I represent.

I represent LOSS.

I unknowingly illustrate it each day to them,"

Father's Day:
Father's Day, like it's counterpart Mother's Day, is fraught with difficulties for adopted children, reminding them of major losses and deep inward yearnings, creating an explosive mix. I'm downplaying it, of course, even the fact that I have a dad is kept low key.


Smith Household:
We will also downplay Father's Day today. Paupi and Uncle Kelly are coming over later. Both Fathers BUT not to my children.

Child #1 - lost a bio father at birth. She doesn't even know this, yet. Lost the daily interaction of a Daddy when he opted to leave before she was 2 years old. Now, she gets a call from him every 7-10 days - not consistent, not predictable but thankfully she can't read a calendar yet! But, there is pain there. He doesn't acknowledge it. But she does. And the fact that she has a father is something she torments her brother about.

Child #2 - No bio father.
No adoptive father. There was to be one but...he walked away three weeks before he was to legally become his Daddy. He cared for him for 11 weeks, signed a legal obligation to adopt and make lots of promises to be his Daddy and yet my son is Fatherless. He is old enough to make things up about his "Daddy." Ask him and he'll tell you that his Daddy lives in a red house and has a Thomas the Train movie. When he asks me where his Daddy is, I respond with "I don't know but maybe God will bring us a Daddy for you. someday."

Both children have the BEST Father - The Father to the Fatherless. Thankfully BUT that doesn't provide someone to climb up on his lap and read stories, tuck them in at night or be the recipient of a handmade gift from a nearly 3 year old.

We are NOT going to church today because they've already announced that they are doing a big thing for Fathers and well, our family doesn't really have fathers to parent children. We don't need to encourage any more discussion on a Daddy for Zade to feel empty inside. He doesn't get that God is his father, yet. Someday.

Instead, we'll stay home. All women/girls and a little boy.

I turned on TV this morning as G has woken up as a little "pill" and on our no-commercial TV station for kids, they just had two groups of kids yelling "Happy Father's Day!"....Guess that won't even work. Maybe the beach.

For those with Fathers, HUG THEM today. For those who are fathers, STEP UP. YOU MATTER. period. Don't make promises you can't/won't keep. Love your children's mothers.

OK, moving on. One thing - I'm so thankful that I had good experiences with my Dad as a child. I'm secure in it. I wonder how my kids will end up on this note.

side note: We are all called to love orphans and widows. I wonder if part of it is for the Christian men in our world to come alongside children without Fathers. To show them in human form the love of our Heavenly Father - even in their imperfect ways. If you are a man and you know of a child without a father, please consider showing him the love of our Lord through your words and actions. Maybe you could do this on a long-term basis - Kind of like a Big Brother's program. Informal but yet consistent and long term. What an incredible service opportunity.

And where are you two from?

(The subtle things that make you feel like you don't belong)

Last week we traveled as a family (kids, my Mom, my sister and me) to visit Baby Ava's grave. After we left the cemetery, we stopped at a little diner. Mom and Johnna had been there before. I had not.

2 waitresses - ours was distant and not very friendly. We tried to brighten her day but she was having nothing to do with that. It appeared that she just wanted to be at home or rather anywhere EXCEPT where she was.

The other waitress was much more friendly and better at her job.

Waitress #2 comes over as the kids start to eat and in a very loud voice said: "OMG, how cute are you. Where are you to from?"

My Mom instantly said, "From their mother."
I said, "We were from Arizona."

Interpretation of question: "There is no way you are from here because you don't look like anyone we've seen here in a long time."

blaaaahhhh. Why people? Guess you didn't really want our business and you surely made us feel as though we didn't belong/fit here. Funny thing - I grew up 15 minutes from this diner. Sad, really sad.

Happy Juneteenth

on June 19, 1865, Union soldiers sailed into Galveston, Texas, announced the end of the Civil War, and read aloud a general order freeing the quarter-million slaves residing in the state. It's likely that none of them had any idea that they had actually been freed more than two years before [with the Emancipation Proclomation].

It was truly a day of mass emancipation. It has become known as Juneteenth. Read more: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1815936,00.html#ixzz0rLoZw21t

In recognizing the history of American freedom, advocates say, Juneteenth is as deserving of recognition as Independence Day.

"We may have gotten there in different ways and at different times," says Meyers of blacks and whites, "but you can't really celebrate freedom in America by just going with the Fourth of July." Read more: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1815936,00.html#ixzz0rLo5UBra

Beauty to my ears

I'm sitting in the living room. Kids are playing the play room (next room).

In the past 5 minutes I've heard:

G: "Oh, sorry Z, it was my fault."

Z: Oh no. I sorry.

G: It's OK, Z. I forgive you.
Z: I forgive you too, Dia.

Three different situations and EXACTLY the heart attitudes I've been praying for and instructing toward. This might pay off after all.

(I won't mention the inappropriate screaming that occured after some discipline about 30 mins ago resulting in the end of outdoor play because one little girl couldn't obey, but...)

Bargain Saturdays with a side of Entertainment

So...Saturdays in the summer = yard/lawn/garage sales.

We are up and out of the house at either 645 or 745 (depending on the time for the first sales a la Craigslist). Kids are usually dressed but often a little messy (hair/needing baths or something). I don't shower. I throw on clothes, brush the teeth and comb the messy hair. Cash. Mom gets coffee at DnD and we are on our way.

Why do I post about this? Because of the incredible deals we get. This week, I have become a fan of the SPF sun shirts. I looked online this morning to buy some (both kids but Z is literally living in one of them every day - 4 days in a row and G just asked for one yesterday). The cheapest I could find them was $19.99.

Yard sale today: 2 - one boy, one girl. $1 each = $2. Savings: $38 + shipping. Now, I think that is a great deal. G's is a plain white (she wanted pink but what can I say); Z's is a Micky Mouse - He loves it. I don't. If you know me, I don't really like animated things for clothing BUT...I saved $19 on that shirt alone and I like that more than I dislike Micky Mouse.


Other great finds:
Triangular tube for snow sledding $2
Bag of boy clothes for Z-man $6.25
Recorder (instrument) $1 (to go with the one we got last week for 50 cents)
New briefcase for me $2
BRAND NEW brown Merrill shoes for Z for fall (next size up) $6 (big spending but great quality)
Wooden bunk beds for G's dolls - $3
Misc books for kids and mom - $.25 - .50 each
square glass vase I've been wanting $1
basket for blocks $1
Halloween decorations $.75 (3 items)
Thomas the train jumbo floor puzzle (24 pcs) - $.50 (I'd have spent $3 but fifty cents works!) and a video for the same amount.
An Ariel Doll (for Z-man - He loves her) 75 cents
an LL Bean jumper for G - $.50; pants $1

FOUR HOURS of entertainment, out in the great weather, spending time with the family and meeting new people = priceless

Seriously, people pay sticker price at the store and they miss out on the whole experience.

We also got to see Baby "K" this morning. She'd lived with us for nearly a month in the spring, spent the night last Friday and came by for lunch today. We miss her. We knew she was coming so we found her a little yellow jacket for under a dollar.

kid quotes again

G: Mama, this dress makes me look like a Yukalale Girl.
K: It does? (returns to blow drying hair)
G: Yup
(Stop blow dryer again)...
G: Mama? Can I have a yukalale?
K: (Brain is working overtime to even come up with what one might look like/sound like. Is it the Ricola commercial? I'm not sure). Um, Maybe. I don't know. You'll have to ask Mem.

____
Another time:
K: What kind of cookie is that one?
G: Emenenmen (M-n-M)

A photo from today - at work...

Yesterday was hard. My niece should have celebrated her 2nd birthday yesterday but heaven needed her more. We had her for 64 days. We miss her...and all that has happened in between makes it even more difficult.

I do continue to pray for the recipients of her organs - especially her heart. That baby girl will be 2 years on the 4th of July!

(We planted a Butterfly Bush - Butterflies are the symbol for organ donation.)

Zade cut his hair & an Evening Adventure

6/14/10 - with FOUR adults in the house. One watching him from the living room while he was doing a Flag Day project at the island (alongside G).



He announced that he wanted hair for his flag. Whatever, kid!


I'm just thankful that he didn't reach over and clip one of Gianna's braids - ahhhh.


So, he got an immediate haircut by moi. Clippers are usually set to #5. Today they were #3. They should have been #1 but I just couldn't.


Z's Finished Project & G's nearly finished project - Quite Different!

Tonight...we went for an 'adventure' near SMCC/the ocean. It was a nice excursion - Didn't really have a plan or know where we were going but found a nice Fort - Prebble and Willard Beach.

FYI - a picture of his hair last week (beach in FL) and two of him this week (raincoats):

Prayers Accepted...I can feel it coming

So, we were flying home from visiting Z's birth family in Florida (that is a different post) when I got the first call - for an emergency placement of a 2 year old boy. It didn't work out as we were out of state during the 3 hours they had to make the placement. However, the next day I got a call about a 5 year old boy. Note, I'd requested placements YOUNGER than G but God has his own plans.

I will follow up on this potential placement (who will be free for adoption this summer-not sure exactly when).

For now, we'll call him "T".


So what can I feel coming? This is how God has always worked in my life. A warning system of sorts. The - "Hey, pay attention because I have something at work. You'll know soon enough." Well, two calls in 2 days is one of those typical "signs."

Prayers accepted. Wisdom. Patience.

Thanks, K