So tonight I had to just run to the store and pick up trash bags and bandaids. It is had just been bandaids, I'd have skipped it but trash bags around here are kind of important. Nearly an hour later, the five of us arrived home. It was 650 and waaay past time for dinner. I'd already planned to do my last minute emergency dinner option - frozen pizza (yes, I know it is an unhealthy option but it happens every 6-8 weeks and nobody is dead...yet). But I changed my mind and it would be a quick bowl of cereal night. With milk. Maybe a piece of fruit.
G had a meltdown because I gave her the wrong bowl - at least not the pink bowl. I'm so tired of pink bowls, cups, plates and utensils. Why? They cause conflict. We either need every one to be pink or I need to get rid of the pink ones. Seriously.
I warned her to stop. I told her the consequence would be no dinner. She didn't listen. She spiraled. She yelled - "I don't want that bowl."
I calmly picked it up, carried the bowl of cereal and milk to the garbage disposal and dumped it down the sink. She lost it. I turned and said: "Be careful what you say, G. You told me you didn't want the pink bowl. I took care of that. Your dinner is now over. Got up stairs for bed."
Can you imagine the response? Yeah, it was bad.
I stuck to my guns. I put my daughter to bed without dinner for the first time ever. It was appropriate. I REALLY hope she learns from this.
I nearly caved. I almost want to wake her up and give her some crackers because I know her tummy is so very hungry.
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The other lovely (not) thing that happened tonight was:
After we got home with the stuff from the store, they all wanted to help, not listen, be crazy kids. Not a single one listened to the simple directions: Put on an apron. Get in a chair.
Finally, I'd had enough and broke my no swearing at/around the kids rule and raised my voice with this: "Damn It! Listen!" G turns and sweetly and calmly says: "I'm not Damn-it-listen, Mama." To witch I responded, No you aren't honey. That was a bad word that Mama said. Please don't say it again. I'm so so sorry.
aaaaaahhhh....One of my finest parenting evenings.
I'm a big fan of natural consequences. I think this approach can teach so many important lessons. Well, I experienced on that just seemed so odd in the end. "K" dropped her spoon intentionally at dinner. I warned her. She did it anyway. Then she looked at me. I told her she'd have to eat her cereal without a spoon. Eat with your hands. She did. She finished her food. Calmly. Quietly.
However, it was painful. Why? I have a feeling that in her 2.5 years before landing here, she ate many meals with those hands - meals that should have had utensils but...just didn't. The natural consequence didn't mean anything to her. Why? It was normal - typical - A-OK to her to eat without a spoon. I guess it wasn't discipline. It was encouraging an ingrained poor behavior/experience she'd already had. Bummer.
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On another note, fostering children can bring so many dynamics. Today, I had the opportunity to demonstrate love to the little girls' mother. She has dental needs and will age out of the state Medicaid program shortly. I was able to get her into a clinic and she had her first appointment today. She's going to need a series of appointments. I'm happy that she is getting this taken care of and I think she is happy to have someone care about HER needs - I don't think that happens very often.
Of course, other things happened today in the case (that I can't discuss). Things might get messy for a while. I can't believe we are losing our case worker in a week and 1 day! Right when things are getting messy!!! :(
