End of an Era

My sister came to live with me in Arizona (for the 2nd time) on 2/11/08. Zade was an infant. I remember 2/14 that year because I had a Valentine date - with my son and sister at Elephant Bar in Scottsdale. (G was with her Daddy). Little did I know that the twins had been born earlier that day. The twins I wouldn't meet for 2 years, 5 months and 27 days.

My sister was a God-send then. She decided to move to AZ within hours of hearing that I was going to be a single mom of two babies. Two children under 2 years and one barely 6 months old when she arrived. It took her a while to move and that is how we got to February 11, 2008.

Life was different in AZ. With two kids, we went out. G went to her Dad's on Sunday afternoons for an overnight and Johnna and I did things with Z-man. We laughed. We ate out. We went horseback riding (without him!). We cooked. We liked preparing and serving food and working to have the best food presentations. We went to movies. We hung out.

We did this through 2008 and half of 2009. Then, I moved to Maine for a new job. Johnna stayed in AZ without us for less than 6 months. Then, she moved to ME and lived with us again. It felt like she'd never been gone. We were together. We were family.

When she moved to Maine, we knew it would be for ~ a year.

The year ended today.

I'm sooooooooooooooooooo sad. I can't stop weaping.

This year has been different. We lived together with 2 kids and our Mom. It was a different dynamic. I traveled a lot for work. I welcomed the twins home on 8.11.10. Life was a zoo. 4 kids is so much different than 2. These two girls needed a lot as does Zade. Finding sitters for 4 kids is so much different than finding one for 2 kids or even 1 baby.

We spent less time together. BUT...I still loved my sister just like before. We laughed. We ate out some. We cooked - some. She helped me so much. I'm not sure I helped her as much.

Zade can't remember life before Auntie lived with him and I don't think Gianna can either. The twins have only ever lived with Auntie since they've been here. They love her! This morning, M imitated Auntie getting out of the shower by wrapping herself in a towel (over her PJs). She was so cute. Wish I'd had the energy to climb the stairs just one more time to get a camera to capture it. Now, Auntie is on her way to living in another state. Not here.

Today, she moved to California to start her life with her fiance, David. He'll be home from the Middle East in a few weeks. Mom is driving to CA with her. That means I'm here with the 4 kids in this great big house. Alone. I miss her so much.

I love you, J-Babey. I wish you well. I wish you health and happiness and may you understand teh meaning of joy. Come back soon.

Of course, I'm going to San Diego in a month. I'll see her then. But, it'll be different. The end of an era. 2/11/08 - 2/11/11.

(What are the odds that she'd move in and out on the same date 3 years apart?)

Changes in our World

How can I possibly be the mother of a 5 year old - already? Today is G's 5th birthday. She's been waiting to be 5 for a while - so she can ride the school bus! Today is the day. This day always makes me sad. I'm happy but I'm sad - that so much time has gone by already and that she is growing up. On the other hand, I'm happy that she is such a kind hearted little girl.

Now, if I could only get her to stop sitting on her siblings! GROSS!

I love you Sweet, Sweet, G!

Today also marks our last day as a house of 7. Today is my sister's last day of living with us. She moved home for the year while her fiance was deployed. She leaves on Friday to journey to CA where they will begin the next phase of their lives.

J (my sister) has lived with me off and on since she went to college. She'll be 25 in a few weeks.
She's lived with us most of the time since Z-man was 6 months old. Her leaving is going to be a big loss for me. I LOVE her and want her nearby. But, those are my wants and my desires. Her leaving will be an even bigger loss for the kids - especially Z-man and M. She's taking G for a princess pedicure later today - a happy birthday present but also a good bye, I love you niece. My eyes are teary as I type this.

Yesterday marked the last day of:
4, 3, 2, 2.
Today marks the first of 4 days of:
5, 3, 2, 2.
Monday marks the first day of: 5, 3, 3, 3 as the twins will turn 3. This will last until Z's birthday in July when we'll move on to 5, 4, 3, 3.

2 years, 4 days.
3 women, no 4, no 5, no 6.
3 birth mothers
1 mom
1 auntie
1 memae

All significant in the lives of 4 children. 3 girls and a boy.

At lunch today, my sister said: You know, if you go for #5 you'll seal the "staying single" deal. Seriously, you have really pushed it with 4. A man walking into a family with 5 very young kids is very unlikely. Do you honstly think you are going to find a husband with 4 kids - let alone 5?

No. I'm not going to find a husband. A Daddy for my kids. A friend. A lover. A missionary/ministry partner. A husband. You are right! The only way that I will find that person is if God brings him to me! He works miracles - not me!

(If anyone wants to pray about that, prayers are being encouraged in this department. I'm at the point where I think I've "healed" and I'm ready to move on. Now...it's God's timing. Wait - it has always been His timing!)

5. She's FIVE! She'll go to school this year. She'll ride a school bus. She'll be exposed to new germs and get new sicknesses. She'll leave her friends. She'll make new friends. She'll grow. She'll change. What happened to that little 8 pound (perfectly 8 pounds!) package that used to fit on my shoulder with her butt in the palm of my hand? Where is she? What is His plan for her life?

Lord, please bless our family of 7 as we become a home of 6. Please keep Johnna healthy and safe and may she know how very much she is loved as she transitions to wifehood. I continue to pray for your hand in the preparation of my future husband (if that is your will). May your timing be perfect and may I accept your special gift, guidance and timing in this matter. Prepare all of our hearts. Please give me strength as I parents 4 small children. Please also, heal my friend Tammy as she recovers from her 3 surgeries and prepares for a 4th (and hopefully, final).

I pray for wisdom and guidance for court next week. May your will be done in the twins' lives. Protect their hearts. Provide wisdom and perserverence for me in caring for their complex needs.

Please protect Z-man's heart as he continues to ask me about his Daddy including when he can meet his Daddy. Thank you for some progress in his behaviors Please help those to continue and for the selfish, uncontrolled behaviors to GO AWAY!

Lord, I know that change is inevitable. Protect us as we go through these changes.

I love you!

Quotes - so I don't forget

M & K call them: My Dipeys (vs. diaper or pampers).

Glue & a Banana

Z only likes whole bananas with a peeling still in place. On Ground Hog Day, I handed out bananas for breakfast (or strawberries - your choice). He picked the banana. He started to peel it. Disaster: The top 1/5 of the banana broke off.

This Mama could see that this was going to be a problem - I mean I had a boy with a face full of tears who was ready to lose it.

I asked him if he wanted me to fix it.

Yes, Mama!

Oh no...how to fix, how to fix?

Purple glue stick.

I applied some glue.

I put the broken piece on the banana.

I handed it back.

Smiles all around.

I held it WITH him so he could eat it.

Amazingly, the HUGE first bite (1/5 of the banana) went into his small mouth at once.

Response: Thank you, Mama!!!!

The things I've done as a Mom - Um...I never imagined.

Joke:

How do you fix a broken pizza? Tomato paste. (Told to me by a pediatric dentist on 2/3.) I smiled thinking - um, a glue stick fixes a broken banana.

_________________________

K told me on 2/3: "Mama, I angry! (grrrr!)

Why, K?

I angry at you!

(I bet you are! I rewarded 2 children for obeying ALL day. You were not one of those children. Perhaps this will motivate you to obey/make good choices vs. intentionally peeing on the living room floor while staring down your grandmother and yelling - I PEE! as well as biting others, throwing blocks at people, yelling in anger, raging in your room, etc... I'm trying to positive reward approach vs. the 'you suck' approach for poor behavior.)