A different kind of mother aka: Letting Go (some things)

...From the stomach flu episode, I cam to understand that being strong doesn't mean not asking for help, nor does it mean not being scared.  This is probably one of the greatest lessons I've ever received.  I needed to offload some of my responsibilities and free myself a little to manage the load better. I had to admit that I could no longer be the same kind of mother I had been when Dylan was little; it wasn't possible.

I could not be with the kids and be with Randy in the oncology wards.  I had to ask for help - and lots of it.  I couldn't cook dinner every night from scratch using fresh vegetables from the farmer's market, so I gratefully accepted dinners of any kind from the families at my sons' preschool. I don't know if they used organic produce, and I learned not to give it a thought.

I ordered take-out dinners using a gift card generously provided by my husband's colleagues at Carnegie Mellon University.  I even took people up on their offer to unpack my families possessions - yes, even my clothes and underwear...

Was I a lesser mom, wife, and woman for this?  No!  In fact, it made our lives better to let others pitch in.  I had more energy to devote to all of those around me; I wasn't so stressed out and grouchy. It made life seem more manageable, which in turn lightened my mood.

- Jai Pausch - Dream New Drams - pp. 63-64

Some ask how I do it - work FT, parent 5 kids ages almost 2 - 6 years...I do it as follows:

Grace of God.

A messy home.

Children who are bathed ~2-3 X a week.

Family activities vs. every kid in multiple lessons starting at age 2 years.
Focusing on what is really important: Faith, Love, Kindness, Obedience, mixed with some sillies!

With help.

PS - I really enjoyed the book quoted.  It's an easy read about a university professor who is dying - from his caregiver's perspective - his wife, Jai.  Their children were preschoolers during this time and one was just 4 months old at the time of diagnosis.

His Heart

On Friday, May 18th we welcomed a nearly 22 month old little guy to our home.  He came with about a one hour notice.  Short term?  Long term?  Time will tell.

What this meant for Z-man was a "baby" boy.  He's wanted a brother for a while now.  He tells people. me. others.

Now that "D" is here, Z-man is less than happy.  After about 10 days, he asked when D was going to leave (to which, G-girl freaked out...she is in LOVE with D - a rare event around here).

Why?

D is a baby/toddler.  He is assertive.  Z & D have similar personalities.  Z is used to ruling the home as far as the kids go.  D is a threat.  He takes Z's toys. He pushes.  He's aggressive.

For Z, it's his heart.  Z's #1 issues is greed/self centered heart.  He has learned to share with K.  They play well together.  He pushes M around and G is in her own world - yet she has a close bond with Z-man.

D....a new dynamic.

I keep praying that God will use this experience to help mold Z.  I've seen so many improvements in his heart.  he can now share some.  Today at a church cookout he gave a little friend a chip.  Of course it was the smallest chip be had but still - improvement.  Later we talked about giving our best - not our smallest.

I think D is going to teach Z a lot.  I hope that Z's spirit isn't broken but rather his attitude and heart are shaped to love more.  share more.  be more Christ-like.

Z spends rest time in his room jumping on his bed singing to Jesus.  His heart does love...but I'm hoping that Z and D begin to better tolerate each other - and maybe they can become close - depending on the duration of D's stay in our family.

I can see that D's aggressive behavior is improving with Z finally standing up to him.  Both boys need a lot more shaping.

Brothers?  Who knows?  I love both of these little guys.  :)

I'm not a short order cook

When I became a Mom, I committed to NOT playing food games with my kiddos.  I said:  "I'm not a short order cook!"  I can't tell you how much this has resulted in peace in our home.

The other day, G insisted that she was NOT eating a grilled cheese sandwich.

My response:  "OK."

I prepared our simple meal.  Grilled Cheese Sandwich, carrots and apple slices. Milk.

She said no sandwich so I didn't put one on her plate.  When she saw everyone else's plate she demanded her pizza to which I responded:  We are having grilled cheese.  We are not having pizza.  She fussed.  I placed a piece of cheese on her plate and told her it was the piece that would go in her sandwich.

She was silent.

A few minutes later (after I'd started to eat) she asked for a grilled cheese sandwich.

Yup!   As a food and power struggle issue - NO WAY!  Don't do it Moms....no short order cooks.
1 meal. 1 menu. period.  It will work itself out.


Of course, we recently learned that G should have 3 months without 5 additional foods (she is already not eating eggs and rye due to allergies).  The new foods to eliminate include:  milk, wheat, soy, nuts and all seafood.

So, I might become a short order cook out of necessity - for her health.

Friday Night (Memories)

We were supposed to go camping tonight but honestly, I was too tired, it was too cold and windy and I didn't get everything together.

So, instead we went on a 3 mile hike on a trail close to our home - that I've wanted to go on for 2 years.  Tonight was the night.  GREAT memories.  Good exercise. Bonding.  Even got to talk with G (oldest) about selecting trails and that God wants us to select the narrow trail (path) for our lives.  She asked if I follow God.  Yup. Gave examples. Told her it was hard sometimes but God knows best.  Good stuff.

No yelling, crying, or anything bad.

Home. Quick dinner.

Played doctor.  Each had a stethoscope.  I was the patient.  I was examined and treated by a variety of objects including

a light up purple dog ball - or intraoral illumination
a mirror to check my teeth
a toy camera to take a photo for my chart and as an x-ray for my injured foot.
a pez dispenser for shots
a green rubber circle thing to examine my nose and to give me medicine
a wooden piece of celery to dispense meds into my mouth.
many wooden puzzle pieces to do something on my lips and teeth (and gums by accident)

and, 3 kids gave me comfort items: dog, a get well card, etc.

Only Z explained his exam/treatment techniques.  The others just did what they wanted.  It was GREAT!  So happy we stayed home.  Off to camp tomorrow.

When it was time for bed, I said:  "Kids, pick up all of those toys and come brush your teeth!"  They tried.  They really did.

Favorite line of the day:  "Mom, I've lost my energy.  My batteries are gone." - Z

He was right.  His little body was so tired.  He had a sleepover in the girls room (a typical nightmare!) that included 4 kids, no peeps and 4 dreaming in less than 2 mins.  NICE!  No bedtime struggle - they were asking to go to bed!  Run babies, run!

What do you have...

...that can show others the love of Christ.  On Easter.

Here is what I found in our house at 1130 today.

Frozen chicken, carrots, green beans, broth, potatoes...and some unused rubbermaid containers I'd meant to donate to the refugee program.

The kids, my Mom and I drove around until we found 7 people to whom we provided 6 containers of soup.  First was David - who has the dirtiest hand I've had the honor of shaking in a long while.  We found him behind a dumpster writing a sign in hopes of finding some lunch.  His response when asked if he'd like some lunch:  "How did you know?"

Then, 2 guys with signs.  One sat down and ate RIGHT away.

Then, there was the couple eating Jax outside of a convenient store - with their grocery cart full of personal belongings (blankets, etc...).  When asked "Would you like some chicken soup for lunch?" I got a wide smile with Jax covering the space where her top 4 front teeth would be located.  She thanked me and then said "We'll eat this later."  to which her man friend said "We'll eat this now!  Thanks!"

Then, we turned around and found the man G had seen - the man with the bump on his head.  We learned his name was Bob.  As he walked toward us from in front of a store window, I recognized this man - the one I've often thought "he's going to get by a car!" due to his disabled gait.  He was so thankful.  He sat along the edge of an unplanted planter and ate.

Then, we found a man in Monument Square that I'd seen a number of times as we rode around.  My Mom jumped out of the car and asked if he'd like some chicken soup.  He jumped up and exclaimed "Yes!"  He got a bonus package of pears.  (Do you know how sad it was to think of the pears as being "bonus"?)

We drove toward home watching the Monument Square guy eat through our rear view mirror/rear window.  We passed Bob - eating.

The kids were engaged even though one had begged not to go and the other had not had a cheerful and giving heart as he filled the baggies with oyster crackers and spoons.

We'll probably be talking about Bob for a while.

So...what can you do?  What do you have in your home.  How can you teach your kids to be generous?  M commented on the way home - "We helped hungry people...like Jesus."

I think these 6 men and 1 women touched us more than we did them.

Heaven is real

(Yes, she made a bed and slept in this box. Oh childhood fun!)

Being a FT mom and a FT employee can bring on the guilt of not being "good" enough in either role (and I'm not even a person who harbors a lot of guilt).

Thankfully, my Mom cares for my children while I work.  She had 37+ years of childcare experience prior to caring for my kids, plus a little more time as a parent.  She operated a licensed child care program and took care of up to 12 children at a time so yeah...having her here is GREAT!  And she reinforces Biblical values while I'm at work!

I came home from work on Friday and G-girl showed me something.  I asked her "Who taught you that?"  She responded:  "Mem!"

I felt that guilt.  Just a little.  Like, I wish I'd been home today to teach you that.

Then I asked:  "What has Mama taught you?"  She paused (too long) as she thought.  (I'm thinking:  "Crap, she can't remember ANYTHING I've taught her.")

She responds with:  That Heaven is for real! and with a smile on her face, she turned and walked outside to play.

Yeah.  That's the important stuff.  I smiled.

Phew.

Missing Omega

Sometimes, kids give you the best openings - just when I couldn't figure out how to tell my son that his hero went to heaven this week - He opened the door. Here is how it went:


Z: "Mama, when am I going to heaven? In 6 sleeps?"


Me: "Well, that is a great question! You know, the Bible tells us that nobody knows the day that they'll get to go to heaven but if you love Jesus, you'll get to go!Some people go when they are little and some when they are medium and some when they are very, very old."

Z: "So, everyone in the whole entire wide world will get to go to heaven some day?"

Me: "No. But everyone who loves Jesus will get to go to heaven -someday.Do you love Jesus?"
Z: "Yes."

Me: "Good because some day you'll get to go to heaven!   (pause) Z, you know, I know someone who got to go to Heaven this week."

Z: (big eyes): "You do?! Who?"

Me: "Omega got to go to heaven this week. On Sunday."

Z: "You mean, no more music playing for Omega."

Me: "No more music playing at the Rock Church for Omega but I think he might be playing music for someone very special right now. I think he's playing music for Jesus. And you know, he gets to play music on streets made of gold - like gold coins. FOREVER!"

Z: "Did he get to take his guitar."

Me: "No. He left it for Micah (his son)."

Z: "Is it a little guitar."


Me:  "No, it's a regular sized guitar.  Micah will be able to play it when he is a man.  Or maybe when he's an older boy.

Z: "So what instruments do they have in heaven....and where do they keep them?"

Me: "I don't know. Do you think they could have a whole room of instruments in heaven?"

Z: "Yes. And when I get there, I'm going to play the electric guitar...for Jesus." 


Me: "The Bible says that in heaven there are many rooms so I guess there could be a room for musical instruments.  I do believe that there are many rooms because Jesus wants a lot of people to go to heaven."

Z:  Do the girls' (sisters) love Jesus?"

Me: "Yes, they do."
Z: "You better go ask them RIGHT NOW or they aren't going to heaven."
Me: "Z, I know that they love Jesus because they've told me that - just like you are telling me now."

........more back and forth. Then, I started to leave his room and he said:
Z: "Do you think they have camels in heaven?"

Me: I don't know. Do you think so?
Z: "Yes. I do think so. That way, Omega could hang his guitar on his camel-when he's not playing for God. When I get to heaven, I'm going to have a camel. I'm going to ride on a camel."


Missing our friend and his hero, Omega.  Enjoy Jesus ... forever.  We miss you here.  Seriously, at 33 years He needed you more?  It doesn't seem real but I know, it is His perfect plan.


1 down, 3 to go...I dread telling Miss G.  She already fears death - mine in particular.

Ease

Apparently, God skipped the "That was easy" button when he blessed our home with two additional children.

How do I know this?  He keeps sending me "easy" kids.  Seriously.

In August, we had a little girl join us for a short while.  EASY kid.  It highlighted how difficult others in our home were, are and continue to be.

This week, we had a 2 year old join us.  For a short while.  EASY kid.  Only complaint:  She whines.  That is the my only complaint?!  Seriously?  Sleeps, eats, plays, easy.

I guess He has a plan (to either drive me nuts/strengthen me, to remind me to calm down or something else I haven't figured out yet)........Yeah, He has a plan.  And quite frankly, I'm soooo happy to have these "extra" blessings around here - even if only for short durations.  The remind me of things I've forgotten.

And, it was a DREAM to walk in the door tonight hearing that my kids had had a good day.  Fun. Limited drama. Naughty. Etc.  NICE!

BTW, The Bible doesn't promise a trail paved with "ease"....but an "extra" easy kid is a blessing.  Those challenging ones are too! :)

Motherhood v. Childhood

Sometimes I wonder if I should be more:
-Disappointed that my kids don't seem smart enough to be quiet when they sneak out of their beds and into each other's rooms to play at nap/bedtime.  (You know, I'm sitting in the living room. It's the room right underneath that bedroom ... where you are jumping over the laundry baskets that you have lined up! Crash, crash, crash - DUH!)

- Happy and thankful that they don't sneak.

- Disappointed that they are outright disobedient.

- Joyful that you love each other.

- Saddened by your meanness to one another.



Aahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Motherhood.  Childhood.  They don't always line up to = joy.  Just sayin'.

Science for 5 year olds

I remember dying flowers with my Mom. A vivid, happy memory.

Here is how I shared this with my 5 year old:
Learning objectives:

Predict what will happen to the color of the flower.

Describe how flowers absorb water.

Step 1 - Gather flowers.

Step 2 - Discuss the experiment. Discuss how flowers absorb water. Discuss the "color" of tap water. Predict what will happen to the color of the flower if we add food coloring to the water.

Step 3 - Start Experiment: Place water in 3 containers. Add food color (child's choice of color) to 2 containers. Place flowers in water. Ask question (e.g., Which flowers might take longer to change color. Why?)

Step 4 - Check Results. Modify as needed. (e.g., we dumped out some water and made the mixture more concentrated because the flowers in the water dyed red were not changing color as quickly as the blue flowers.

Day 1 - Blue:

Day 2 - red:

Continue to monitor and record results.

Step 5 - Draw Conclusions.

Camping, Camper and Raw Emotions

I had 13 days off. Trying to use up some vacation that I'd lose on 6/1, I just stayed home for a week and then we went camping for 5 days. It started as a 4 day trip but we stayed an extra night because things were going so well.

Well, mostly going well.

We camped in our new camper (that we didn't get to bring home due to problems with the hitch), we went on a boat ride and got to touch under-the-ocean creatures, hiked where I'd hiked with my Mom as a little girl, visit with lots of family, play sporty games with an uncle and a guy cousin (male interaction for my kids is so important and lacking), etc. We ate smores. Every. single.night. The twins slept pretty well with ~6-10 outbursts per night...but slept, mostly.

Mostly well.

Except, I actually admitted that I'm having attachment issues with one of my kids. Admitted to myself. To my Mom (who was along on this trip). I've known this inside but to admit it verbally meant "I really have to deal with this." I don't even know HOW to deal with this.

3 kids I love deeply. Differently but yet the same - I'm their Mom. They are my children. The fourth. Oh, Dear Lord, help me. Help her.

Then, we returned home. And miraculously she seems to be reaching out to me. She still drives me crazy and I don't "get" her. But maybe, a glimpse of hope. Maybe.

What am I going to do if that bonding never comes? Do I move forward with the adoption? Do I (gasp) let her go? If I let her go, I let her sister go (you know, one of those kids I love deeply and have a great bond with). They are a package deal.

Then, in the night, I realized...I have to learn to love/attach/etc... I have to or I lose two. I'll lose a daughter. And, she'll lose a Mama, again. Actually, they'll both lose a Mama - again. And the kids will lose each other (the 4 of them). The second one still seems like someone else's child but the other - she's my daughter and I'm her Mama. So, is it wrong that I have to bond with the second to continue to be the first one's Mom?

Oh, that seems wrong.
Shouldn't I love her for who she is?
Can I?
Can she?

Will she ever fully trust me? Love me? Let me love her?

Will the day ever come when I touch her without hearing her say "OUCH!"? I mean come on - I can't possibly hurt her (unintentionally) every time I touch her! Or, does she feel pain? Do I represent pain to her? Deep pain of her loss? Oh, wow. That is deep.

What am I not providing that she needs? She seems so unsure of herself and her life. Is this normal? Typical? Will it ever change.

What impact does my focus on bonding with her have on the other three kids - the time I spend with her and not with them?

How can there be a child that I can't bond with? How can that be?

Is there a line in the sand that I can't cross on the adoption journey? Do I adopt knowing these things? If I write this out and I adopt, will this post come back to bite me someday?

What do parents who bring their children home from across the oceans do - you know, those toddlers/preschoolers who they don't get a "try-out" period and with whom bonding doesn't happen?

What do parents who birth children who never really bond do?

It's been nearly 10 months.
She was actually the "easier" child in the beginning and her sister was my challenge. That has passed - some time ago.

Oh the guilt.
And, what if "the state" finds out. Can I admit this? Will they come tomorrow and retrieve the kids and their belongings ... never to be seen again?

What if this doesn't work? Is my family complete with two? How can I be thinking about another placement? I have already learned that another child doesn't replace those lost. There is always a hole in my heart. Then, the guilt - how can I even be thinking about the future when the present is so...rocky.

Is this why I've been unable to settle on a middle name for this child? Is she not going to be my child? Was this just for a season? What is/was the Lord trying to teach me? Mold me? Teach my children? Teach M & K?

How.can.this.possibly.be.my.life? Oh wait, I'm supposed to be rejoicing in all things?! Really? How?

And, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Really? Yeah, really.

Oh Lord. Wisdom? Strength? Love? I need them all.

Two exciting things: Bonding & Publication

After over a week of being at home, I think we've made some bonding progress.

I went back to work on Monday. No problems.

I worked on Tuesday. K was angry - that I wasn't home! She made bad choices BUT she wanted ME! Her "Mom". Those of you parenting children from birth - um, this might not mean a lot personally but for those of us parenting children who came to us at an older age - this is a BIG deal! I'm happy she was angry (odd, hugh!?)

At naptime, M slept and K well, she was angry. No sleeping.

After naptime, M was angry that I wasn't home and K moved on.

We've suspected this pattern for a while - switching personalities/feelings - just a flip/flop between the girls and it seem to happen in that order: one in the morning, one in the afternoon (they take on the emotions of the other). Twins, I'm thinking. Is this a twin thing?

Oh...this is exciting!

When I returned home and learned about the day, it was as I had two two-year-olds climbing, sitting, and just "being all over me"...They couldn't get enough. This is such a good thing.

Oh, and BTW - we got rid of the therapist who just didn't fit our family. Waiting on the 2nd therapist for my TWO YEAR OLDS! What is wrong in this world when 2 year olds are in therapy? Don't get me going!

SECOND THING:
I have had articles published in peer review journals BUT I had my first article in which I was the first author (!!) published in a high-end peer reviewed journal YESTERDAY! Woohoo! A long time in the making but, it is done and I'm in PubMed! wooohoo! Now, to get another one or two out. Maybe aim for one this year?

So, last night: Out to celebrate. Olive Garden - First "nicer" place we've taken the twins. They didn't know what to think of a nice place. I could tell they've never eaten in a place like that - cloth napkins, etc...and little do they know, OG isn't really a "nice" place....We celebrated. Johnna drove. I had a drink. Mom enjoyed some sample wines for a total of $1.25 and the four children were VERY well behaved. Wonderful night. Different. Feels like we've turned a corner...as I hear screams of "no!!!!!" from an upstairs bedroom (twins)....so sad. We've made progress but we have so far to go...

I'm happy with the progress, thankful - at least in this moment.

Fingerprints

After any holiday that yields a turkey being cooked in my oven, I make 2-4 Turkey Pot Pies. I like making them. I feel good about them. My Mom says it is the best meal I make. I like it.

So me:

A general plan.

Organized Chaos.

Throw together what you have.

Make it work.

=K's Turkey Pot Pie

Last week, I made 2 Turkey Pot Pies (following Christmas) and filling to freeze for 2 more pies.

As I was making them, Kenzie climbed up to the counter to watche. Quiet. Observant. Simple.

I placed the bottom pie crusts in both pie plates. I turned to something and when I turned back I saw a happy, contented, delighted child making fingerprints all over one of the crusts. She smiled up at my with pride. I smiled back and told her: "OK, thanks. We are all done with that one" like it was part of the process.

I instantly thought of something I'd once read - back in my scrapbooking days. It was about living a life that shows God's fingerprints. I Googled. I didn't find it but I found a couple of other interesting things:

And I can see the fingerprints of God

When I look at you

I can see the fingerprints of God

And I know it's true

You're a masterpiece that all creation

Quietly applauds

And you're covered with

The fingerprints of God

-a song by Steven Curtis Chapman

Then, I read a blog post on parenting children with different personalities. Wow, is that ever the situation here. We have an easy-going child, a very STRONG-willed child, a generally strong-willed child and one that I haven't quite figured out - my fingerprint maker.

This post from a mother of three boys reminded me of how our children are like fingerprints and snowflakes - all a little bit different. All unique. And the outcome we should seek:

A child. An adult....with the fingerprints of God all over. What they say, what they do, how they act, and how they demonstrate the love of their True Father.

Focus: parenting children with different personalities may require different techniques but the goal is the same: Adults who are loving children of God; in whom the world can see the Fingerprints of God.

One Last Time? Kitchen Sink Baths

I have been meaning to do this for months. "One last time" for G and Z - at least G - She's really getting tall. And, for the first time with M & K. I wonder if they were bathed in the kitchen sink as infants. I know G and Z both got their first baths at home in the kitchen sink - in AZ. Both cried. I remember them so vividly.

Today was the day.

I think this is a great idea for those of you parenting slightly older children (older than infants) - no, I don't mean teenagers! A way to capture a class "in the kitchen sink bath" photo.

Potty Training Report

Well, I started to train the girls. 12/27/10

Day 1 Report:
MacKenzie:
3 pees in undies (totally unaware of where she'd peed). Found one spot by stepping in it. Never found one spot.

1 poop in pretty pink undies with heart on front. Those went in the trash.

4 pees on the potty! Very proud. Competitive with sister!

Makayla: 3 pees in undies. Very aware. Came and told me.

1 poop in diaper (at naptime)

5+ pees on the potty! The leader - surprisingly.


Reward: 1 marshmallow for a pee on the potty. 2 marshmallows for a poop on the potty. Kenzie wanted more marshmallows (like sister) so she would go and sit there for a while (on her own).

Great first day! Need to get more thick/training undies and rubber pants but yesterday was a blizzard! Seriously, a blizzard so that will have to wait.

Prediction: Makayla will be trained this week (although the "letting go of the poops" might be difficult for her. MacKenzie - The verdict is still out. Training twins seems easier than singles - Peer Pressure baby!

Oh, and the older kids get a marshmallow if they cheer on the twin(s). I'm seeing a little regression with Zade - peed in his pants today - waiting for a potty but it was really intentional. So, I got out the extra potty chairs today and started handing out marshmallows more frequently to him/G.

Updated:
Day 2 - No accidents with pee - either child. Kenz pooped in unders.
Day 3 - No accidents with pee. Pooped in diapers at nap.
Day 4 - No accidents with pee; Makayla POOPED in the potty! Big Deal. This is all helping her confidence so much!! Yeah, Kayla! And for the first time, Kenz is NOT leading. She's a little sad about that.

Day 5 (Friday) - ...

A glimpse of the future

Last night (12/23) was the first night that I've slept through the night since the girls' arrived (8/11). Wow! Do I feel great. I fell asleep at 10pm and woke up at 4 am briefly and right back to sleep until 7! WOW!! Now, if that could keep happening...

Today, we got ready to head out to drop off a gift and purchase a gift for Paupi. I got a glimpe into our future: Every child dressed themselves, and put on their own shoes and coats. I did have to help with two tops but otherwise...wow! So much easier on this here body.

Oh, and just a report: My right knee does not need surgery (no torn meniscus). I start PT next week. I have arthritis. Boy, that'll make you feel old. Not the physical part - just knowing that I have it! Oh well...

His Bleeding Head

So I had an interesting experience as a parent yesterday. We were 5 minutes away from leaving for a day of appointments:
4 dentist appointments - 2 cleanings, 2 fillings
4 appointments at the pediatrician's office - 4 flu shots
PLUS:
Preschool (and a magin show)
a day of work for me

I'm in the bathroom finish my hair. Z-man starts crying. I could tell something was WRONG but I didnt jump as my Mother was consoling him at the bottom of the stairs and I could see them. I hear:

"Oh, do you see your tears on my face, honey?"
Then, I see her coming up the stairs - with blood all over her face and hand. It wasn't his tears, it was the blood coming out of his head.

He'd fallen. Hit his head on the baseboard and somehow started bleeding from the back/right area of his head.

So my question: Have any of you checked out your kid's bleeding head and realized that there is just no way you can reschedule all of the day's appointments to take him to urgent care?

Instead I said, "Z-man, put your hat on so you don't bleed all over the car or on your new coat. Get in the car. We have to leave in order to make the dentist on time. Thanks."

Well, that is what happened here. I did assess him, watched him closely and kept checking his head. The hygienist and dentist both checked it (both experienced parents) and we all agreed that we wouldn't do anything - as long as it clotted.

He didn't complain too much but let's say that it was a long tough day for him. "Off" all day. Then, we had to end with a shot! ugh. My poor little guy. Mama loves you.

My alternative was going to be: Shave that area on his head and do either the liquid bandaid or steri-strips but by the time we got home from the dentist, there was a nice clot. Honey, if you grow up to be a man who shaves his head, I'm sorry that I let you have that scar. Otherwise, who will know?

4 in Diapers

I know that this phase will soon change but here is my nightly life. I have two kids trained during the day but none at night.

The twins are ready to be trained but I've put it off until the week vacation between Christmas and New Years. So, we'll be out and about and have FOUR kids needing to explore local rooms of rest - all on different schedules. Oh, the joys.

And why do people want their kids potty trained? Diapers are so much easier.

Why do I have two still in night diapers? Who knows. Changing a diaper is easier than changing the sheets every night. Or, Mom is lazy. Or kids are lazy - too lazy to get up.

A Different Kind of Giving Thanks

We celebrated Thanksgiving with our extended family last Sunday. Johnna's fiance was here from the middle east. relatives. cousins. kids. Filled the house with 16. Crazy. Zoo-ish. Like my childhood.

G got a call and she looked at me and said:

"I don't want to talk now. I'm having so much fun! I have to go"---and then she slid on her belly down the stairs to rejoin cousin Rylee.

So...Today (11/25) Mom, the kids and I were home. I've been fighting an illness and I can see it in a couple of kids eyes and in the snot running down from their noses. We laid low.

However, this morning we talked about giving. We took our change jar along with other change and bills we found around the house and set out to be generous.

We took the change $39 (change sitting around the house doing nothing) along with $1 to D-n-D and bought $5 gift cards. We went to Denny's and bought some more there. We handed them out. We got hugs. Smiles. Thanks. and one silent one who didn't make eye contact.

We bought more D-n-D cards and headed to the Teen Center. More smiles.

My kids learned so much.

The best part:

When we paid with change at D-n-D, G just couldn't let go of her last penny. I didn't make a big deal of it. Told her she could keep it. Later driving in the car, she handed me a wad of napkins. She told me it was a gift. When I didn't open it, she insisted. I opened it and found the single penny in the center of the ball of napkins. She was so proud to give it away - to me.

She demonstrated that she in fact was generous and GOT the point.

Thank you, Lord. For all that we have.

A nice bonus - Denny's had a deal that if you spent $25 on gift certificates, they gave you one extra $5 one - another gift for someone today.

Also, we learned that people really liked choices. We approached people with:

Would you like a Denny's or a D-n-D gift card (vs. would you like a gift card). They liked choices. Nobody turned us down. BTW, they liked D-n-D the best.

We signed the gift cards "From Jesus".

What a tangible way to show love to others and teach the kiddos along the way.

We returned home for a quick lunch, naps and the got up for Turkey Pot Pies (prepared yesterday) and left over pies from Sunday. We rented a movie but never got to it - tomorrow!

Paupi came for dinner.

We did a couple of thanksgiving crafts.

Can I tell you: This was one of the BEST Thanksgivings EVER!

We are so blessed.

Oh what a night...discipline?!?!

So tonight I had to just run to the store and pick up trash bags and bandaids. It is had just been bandaids, I'd have skipped it but trash bags around here are kind of important. Nearly an hour later, the five of us arrived home. It was 650 and waaay past time for dinner. I'd already planned to do my last minute emergency dinner option - frozen pizza (yes, I know it is an unhealthy option but it happens every 6-8 weeks and nobody is dead...yet). But I changed my mind and it would be a quick bowl of cereal night. With milk. Maybe a piece of fruit.

G had a meltdown because I gave her the wrong bowl - at least not the pink bowl. I'm so tired of pink bowls, cups, plates and utensils. Why? They cause conflict. We either need every one to be pink or I need to get rid of the pink ones. Seriously.

I warned her to stop. I told her the consequence would be no dinner. She didn't listen. She spiraled. She yelled - "I don't want that bowl."

I calmly picked it up, carried the bowl of cereal and milk to the garbage disposal and dumped it down the sink. She lost it. I turned and said: "Be careful what you say, G. You told me you didn't want the pink bowl. I took care of that. Your dinner is now over. Got up stairs for bed."

Can you imagine the response? Yeah, it was bad.

I stuck to my guns. I put my daughter to bed without dinner for the first time ever. It was appropriate. I REALLY hope she learns from this.

I nearly caved. I almost want to wake her up and give her some crackers because I know her tummy is so very hungry.
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The other lovely (not) thing that happened tonight was:
After we got home with the stuff from the store, they all wanted to help, not listen, be crazy kids. Not a single one listened to the simple directions: Put on an apron. Get in a chair.

Finally, I'd had enough and broke my no swearing at/around the kids rule and raised my voice with this: "Damn It! Listen!" G turns and sweetly and calmly says: "I'm not Damn-it-listen, Mama." To witch I responded, No you aren't honey. That was a bad word that Mama said. Please don't say it again. I'm so so sorry.

aaaaaahhhh....One of my finest parenting evenings.

I'm a big fan of natural consequences. I think this approach can teach so many important lessons. Well, I experienced on that just seemed so odd in the end. "K" dropped her spoon intentionally at dinner. I warned her. She did it anyway. Then she looked at me. I told her she'd have to eat her cereal without a spoon. Eat with your hands. She did. She finished her food. Calmly. Quietly.

However, it was painful. Why? I have a feeling that in her 2.5 years before landing here, she ate many meals with those hands - meals that should have had utensils but...just didn't. The natural consequence didn't mean anything to her. Why? It was normal - typical - A-OK to her to eat without a spoon. I guess it wasn't discipline. It was encouraging an ingrained poor behavior/experience she'd already had. Bummer.

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On another note, fostering children can bring so many dynamics. Today, I had the opportunity to demonstrate love to the little girls' mother. She has dental needs and will age out of the state Medicaid program shortly. I was able to get her into a clinic and she had her first appointment today. She's going to need a series of appointments. I'm happy that she is getting this taken care of and I think she is happy to have someone care about HER needs - I don't think that happens very often.

Of course, other things happened today in the case (that I can't discuss). Things might get messy for a while. I can't believe we are losing our case worker in a week and 1 day! Right when things are getting messy!!! :(