A faith-based initiative is needed in EVERY state...

Let's eliminate the concept of "waiting children" in the US foster care system.

I wish that every state had a faith-based campaign like Arkansas:
http://vimeo.com/6576611

Will you answer the Call?

Single
Married
With kids
Without kids
Empty Nesters
You?

If not you, how can YOU support 'one of the least of these', the 'fatherless', the lonely?

Oh what a night...discipline?!?!

So tonight I had to just run to the store and pick up trash bags and bandaids. It is had just been bandaids, I'd have skipped it but trash bags around here are kind of important. Nearly an hour later, the five of us arrived home. It was 650 and waaay past time for dinner. I'd already planned to do my last minute emergency dinner option - frozen pizza (yes, I know it is an unhealthy option but it happens every 6-8 weeks and nobody is dead...yet). But I changed my mind and it would be a quick bowl of cereal night. With milk. Maybe a piece of fruit.

G had a meltdown because I gave her the wrong bowl - at least not the pink bowl. I'm so tired of pink bowls, cups, plates and utensils. Why? They cause conflict. We either need every one to be pink or I need to get rid of the pink ones. Seriously.

I warned her to stop. I told her the consequence would be no dinner. She didn't listen. She spiraled. She yelled - "I don't want that bowl."

I calmly picked it up, carried the bowl of cereal and milk to the garbage disposal and dumped it down the sink. She lost it. I turned and said: "Be careful what you say, G. You told me you didn't want the pink bowl. I took care of that. Your dinner is now over. Got up stairs for bed."

Can you imagine the response? Yeah, it was bad.

I stuck to my guns. I put my daughter to bed without dinner for the first time ever. It was appropriate. I REALLY hope she learns from this.

I nearly caved. I almost want to wake her up and give her some crackers because I know her tummy is so very hungry.
____

The other lovely (not) thing that happened tonight was:
After we got home with the stuff from the store, they all wanted to help, not listen, be crazy kids. Not a single one listened to the simple directions: Put on an apron. Get in a chair.

Finally, I'd had enough and broke my no swearing at/around the kids rule and raised my voice with this: "Damn It! Listen!" G turns and sweetly and calmly says: "I'm not Damn-it-listen, Mama." To witch I responded, No you aren't honey. That was a bad word that Mama said. Please don't say it again. I'm so so sorry.

aaaaaahhhh....One of my finest parenting evenings.

I'm a big fan of natural consequences. I think this approach can teach so many important lessons. Well, I experienced on that just seemed so odd in the end. "K" dropped her spoon intentionally at dinner. I warned her. She did it anyway. Then she looked at me. I told her she'd have to eat her cereal without a spoon. Eat with your hands. She did. She finished her food. Calmly. Quietly.

However, it was painful. Why? I have a feeling that in her 2.5 years before landing here, she ate many meals with those hands - meals that should have had utensils but...just didn't. The natural consequence didn't mean anything to her. Why? It was normal - typical - A-OK to her to eat without a spoon. I guess it wasn't discipline. It was encouraging an ingrained poor behavior/experience she'd already had. Bummer.

_____________
On another note, fostering children can bring so many dynamics. Today, I had the opportunity to demonstrate love to the little girls' mother. She has dental needs and will age out of the state Medicaid program shortly. I was able to get her into a clinic and she had her first appointment today. She's going to need a series of appointments. I'm happy that she is getting this taken care of and I think she is happy to have someone care about HER needs - I don't think that happens very often.

Of course, other things happened today in the case (that I can't discuss). Things might get messy for a while. I can't believe we are losing our case worker in a week and 1 day! Right when things are getting messy!!! :(

Recent Days - kid activities

We;;. a family with 4 kids...I must admit, I've been a little hesitant to go out and about with 4 kids and haven't braved the grocery/box stores yet. Gianna had her last day of swim and Z-man and I went to watch and celebrate as she received her first certificate of completion - ever.






On Saturday morning I got all of the carseats (4) loaded and reloaded. The kids were so excited that they wanted to go for a ride. We did - around the block - well, maybe 2 blocks.

When we came back, our neighbor (Ray) was running his mini train in his yard. We went to watch. K was SCARED and clung to me. M was interested and Z and G were SUPER excited. It got noisy. Neighbor Joan came over and got all excited about the girls' arrival (she's an adoptive mom to a grown daughter). We walked home and played outside for a while until it was time for swim, snack and to get ready for the afternoon.

Middle seat: K & G
Back seat: Z & M
Front seat: Mama (and nobody else!)

Saturday, we ventured to Boothbay, ME where we enjoyed A Day Out with Thomas the Train. What a great first outing. It went well. It wasn't overly crowded which was a gift. Everyone loved the jumpy train, and the hay maze. We ate a subway sandwich for a late day snack (that worked REALLY well). They also rode on the tractor pulled train.

Now the ride on Thomas was VERY, very exciting for Z-man. G complained that there weren't princesses?!?! M was observant and quiet. K was excited UNTIL the train's horn blew. I encouraged her to clap and say "yeah!" which she did everytime along with concerned eyes shot in my direction.

Observations:

M will wander away easily. Boundaries for both are limited and will need to be set. Either will go with about anyone. They could be easily stolen.

A great day was had by all.

From a family of 2 to 4 kids

Well, today is the day that our family grew - 8.11.10 ~5pm. It's a placement through social services. Twin girls, aged 2.5 years.

So I don't forget:
M's first diaper (and 2nd) = poopy

K- ate first, a cracker; and smiled first.
M - ate a bear cracker and liked riding the pink stick horse inside the house.

I saw M first but touched K first - a brush onto the arm/hand.

Today was not as crazy as I'd anticipated. God answers prayers in funny ways and this was one of those times.

(It's 5 am and everyone is still asleep - amazingly - so here is the story):

Got a call ~1050 am while I was at my desk at work. Sounded like a good situation. Then, I heard their names and one of them has "that name" - you know the one when you were a girl that you wrote over and over and over because that was going to be your child's name. Yup, one of the girls has the name I'd always planned to name MY daughter but then when "G" was born I just didn't use it. I literally choked up and the social services worker could tell.

I had 2 more work meetings that I finished and then spoke multiple times to my licensing worker, the previous foster mother and foster father (for all of 6 days) and the foster mother of the sibling (and later in the evening, the sibling's foster father even called to see if I needed anything at the store!)

I was trying to figure out how to secure an additional toddler bed as I have 2 but would need 3 (DS is still in one). Then, the phone rings and the licensing worker says: Don't get beds! They are coming with beds that were purchased last week along with brand new carseats and a case of diapers! Prayer answered AND they were delivered to my house AHEAD of the girls.

I finished up at work (in between numerous calls) but never to the girls' case worker until later in the day. She filled me in on things with the bio family.

You know, when it feels right, it feels right. :)

I accepted the situation on the phone and went home at 4pm to tell my kids. My son was THRILLED and DD was her typical analytical self with a little excitement.

My (former) step father happened to stop by 5 mins later and helped me move a bureau. I quickly kicked (literally) DS's random toys into his closet. Showed him that he's be sleeping with his sister. Gave my kids hugs and stood back and admired them as I knew their lives were about to change - maybe for forever.

We went outside to play.
The beds arrived along with some clothes, cups, spoons, bowls, etc. (Note, in all of the trainings, I'd been told that most foster kids come with nothing. I got freshly bathed, hair kind of done girls with Beds, carseats, diapers and some clothes!!?!?! Thank you, Lord!)

Then, the case worker and the girls arrived (while the former foster mom and her daughter were still in my driveway from delivering beds). The girls were so sweet and happy. (They thought they were coming to play). I'll call them M & K (one has a nickname so that will make her "K" instead of a 2nd M).

They got out of the car, we all played, talked, etc. One let me touch her arm/hand while the other pulled away (M). More play. The case worker and I tried to figure out how we know each other. We grew up in the same town! Small world.

She came inside to show the girls their new beds. Then, the girls "knew" and things went downhill. Case worker gave them BIG hugs, they cried and we all went inside (note as the neighbor watched all of this).

It was sad. They cried for nearly an hour standing at the front door (two side windows - one girl on each side). I finally got one to the couch. No snuggles but away from the window. Then the other (they were together on the couch). More tears. TV on. More tears. Finally, things started to calm down.

I fed G and Z. G, Z and I danced to music. They watched but didn't eat or dance.
Eventually K went to check out the playroom but back to the couch. Then, M. Then, the "where are you" started that I think will continue for some time - 4 kids! wow!

My Mom came in with some extra groceries (milk, etc.). She is WONDERFUL with kids and just sat and on stood beside her and my Mom rubbed her hair which she liked (K). M started rubbing my Mom's foot and made a connection.

I was told that they are fabulous during the day but as soon as PJs come out at night things spiral, eventually into night terrors.

So, ~830 pm (the girls normally go to bed at 11!), I put DS to bed in his "new" room." At 9 pm, all 3 girls headed upstairs, M and K with tears and fear. I sent G to her room and told her I'd be in. She OBEYED! (I later went back to brush her teeth and tuck her in.)

First to bed was M. Then K. TEARS. Note, I put them to bed in their clothes (eliminated the whole PJ thing for one night). Gave them toys, etc. Total fear in their eyes. Then, I decided to leave the light on. People...I think that is it! They went to sleep. No real tears. I did hear them 2X in the night and I can tell that at least M has been out of bed to get a toy but they are sleeping in their beds. No night terrors, at least last night.

Long term - who knows BUT they appear to be a long term placement that is likely to end in an adoption plan. They will/could have long term contact with their sibling (which I'm in favor of!).

Today is the weekly visit with BM. Friday is an unsupervised visit with another relative and then we head to the weekend.

Details:
M and K are identical twin girls (although one is a whole size larger than the other so I can easily tell them apart!). They are biracial and even the case worker mentioned as we watched all 4 kids in the driveway: Wow! They look like they all belong together. Visually, it all works. Seriously, one looks a lot like DD.

Lord, please give us all strength and peace. Also, keep my work load lighter for a couple of weeks so we can adjust.

Prayers Accepted...I can feel it coming

So, we were flying home from visiting Z's birth family in Florida (that is a different post) when I got the first call - for an emergency placement of a 2 year old boy. It didn't work out as we were out of state during the 3 hours they had to make the placement. However, the next day I got a call about a 5 year old boy. Note, I'd requested placements YOUNGER than G but God has his own plans.

I will follow up on this potential placement (who will be free for adoption this summer-not sure exactly when).

For now, we'll call him "T".


So what can I feel coming? This is how God has always worked in my life. A warning system of sorts. The - "Hey, pay attention because I have something at work. You'll know soon enough." Well, two calls in 2 days is one of those typical "signs."

Prayers accepted. Wisdom. Patience.

Thanks, K

First call from "the nurse"

We had a great two days/night at a statewide adoptive/foster family event. We rented a cabin, went to the beach twice, went bowling, ran on the grass, ate with a huge group of families, etc...

The time away was just what Mama needed. I can't tell you how refreshing it was. However, add children to any trip and there is always excitement:

1. 1:09 am Saturday morning - I awake to a boy over me and something wet on and around me. Z's first time puking was IN the bed. Chocolate cake, bean salad and pasta. Chunks. OMW! I didn't know where to start. He cried. I remained really calm but could have puked myself. We were in the cabin without a change of sheets so...
I had to rinse his blanket out and hang it in the shower. removed bottom sheet. Made the top sheet the bottom, washed him the best I could and then placed a clean towel under him "just in case there was more", etc.

Of course, that towel was replaced 3X with more towels, hand towels and eventually the bath mat. Poor guy. The place stunk, he was sad. 1 -5 am was puke management. The morning brought sunshine and a SHOWER for Mama.

Some of the Z quotes:
Mama, I need a towel = I'm going to puke.
I want a bath (fromt he kid who hates baths) - made every time he threw up :(
My belly sick. My belly in the toilet. (This one had me laughing outloud at 130 am - He really thought his belly was in the toilet because of the puke that kind of made it in/on the toilet.)


2. Morning came and all seemed resolved. No fever. I thought - hmmm...he'd never had choclate and he'd had a huge piece of chocolate cake for dinner and that was certainly part of what came up. There was nothing left in him body and the chocolate could have been the problem. I struggled with what to do with him during the 2nd day of classes. After 4+ hours of no throwing up and successfully keeping down his breakfast, I took him to the organized children's program.

Then, it happened:
~1030, I got my first call from a nurse about my child.

I said - Do you have a puky boy. Nope.
He was so tired he was lying on the floor during snack and eating the goldfish with his head on the floor. They thought he was tired so they took him to the nurse and now he was sleeping in her room.

I went to check him at lunch. He woke up. Felt warm. We took his temp and yup - 101 temp BUT...what does that mean. Nothing. He came with me for the afternoon to a class. He entertained himself by sticking literally 25 bandaids on his knees/legs. He was a good boy but then started whining so we left with ~30 mins to go. Picked up sis, went to the beach, threw rocks, stopped in to Uncle's house, headed home.

He came home and immediately peed on the floor 2X after 4 days of successfully training without any accidents. Bedtime. He was out immediately.

The conference was great. Sessions were good. I felt like it was a good use of time. However, I didn't really connect with other families. I just happened to pick the wrong tables both meals and the sessions/conference didn't promote meeting others. That was the only negative.

I did offer to teach a haircare class next time as I saw a number of little girls "of color" who had unkept hair. Only one other girl had braids/beads and the rest were just...sad. Their Mama's need help and they knew it. Me teaching haircare...hmmmm.....

Oh, and I learned on Friday from one of the licensing workers (not mine) that I was considered for a very young baby last week but they decided that my kids were too young for a child that young or perhaps with the issues he/she had. Who knows...
-I was excited to learn that they were talking about/considering me.
-I realized that things are really different on this journey in that other people get to decide which child I bring home...not a birth mother. Someone else. That didn't feel good BUT then I quickly remembered, God is in charge! The social/licensing workers are his conduits.

A licensed foster home

As of yesterday, all of the paperwork and inspections were complete. The licensing worker and her supervisor came for the licensing visit and everything is done!

When will child #3 arrive? Who knows...oh, God, that's who.

Just thought I'd provide the update.

FYI - The private system took 4-6 weeks to get certified. The public system took 5.5 months. What does that say about customer service?

Class 1:4

On Saturday (yesterday), I took my first foster/adoptive parenting/training class. 6 hours. State trainer who is an adoptive mom herself. I was looking forward to it, kind of. You know, in 6 hours I can say that I learned one thing:
--A child in foster care must have a state employee sign off on any school permission slips.

I hope these get more informative.
I think part of the issue is that well, I've already adopted 2 kids and that perhaps in the last 5 years, I've actually learned a few things. I'd much rather be required to take 24 hours of classes with other adoptive/foster parents vs. an orientation program. Oh well, only 18 hours to go!

Social Worker Thursday

Last week it was the Fire Marshal inspection (only 4 things to address).

This week, it was the social worker. Debbie is very different than the social worker we had in Arizona. She spent 2 hours here and thinks she can complete our homestudy from what she received from the AZ homestudy, what I provided today and perhaps with an email or two. Can you say ADD? Yup.

What next - All paperwork is in. She'll finish the homestudy and submit it. A licensing agent will come out (I'm hoping in March since I'm not working for a week in March but it'll probably be May). All that is left is: fix the remaining 2 things from the fire marshal (including getting an electrician out here to install some new hard wired smoke detectors) and for me to take 24 hours of classes.

My point....kiddo #3 might be here in the summer.

Now, if I can only get work to calm down. Things were a little out of control this week. ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

I'm excited to be off from work tomorrow. G has a pediatrician appt re: her cough.


Enjoyed having Tammy and her boys (I and Z) over for dinner tonight. I can't believe it took us 6 months to get together. A bigger thing - I can't believe I left Arizona SIX months ago today! Wow, so much has changed.

That is the official status from here.

Big question - what will life be like with 3 kids? Good thing we opted not to get the dog, right? Yeah, right!