Orphans - a charge to the church

I read this blog post today and I couldn't agree more:

"...So much of this has come from searching my own heart. I've mistakenly assumed the Lord wasn't calling us to adopt a child with special needs or a much older child. But I realized that if I am going to claim that our family cares for the fatherless, we have to really search our hearts for what that looks like for us. We cannot just look past the hard to place children because that's not our "calling."  I don't think the problem is that God isn't calling people to care for these children. 

These aren't numbers. These are living, breathing souls who need families and Jesus.

I think God wants to see the Church step up and wrap around the cause of the orphan. It's big and messy and complicated and I believe each part of the body has a unique role in it. These are HIS children, after all, and He has a good and perfect plan for each one."
- http://www.thefarmerswifetellsall.com/2012/05/children-are-not-commodities.html

 

New shoes in a box

Sometimes I still get surprised when I look into their eyes.

Last week, summer weather arrived in Maine.  We were still in snow pants the week before so a quick search through our "grow into closet" revealed that one of my girls would need some spring shoes.  She had to wear inappropriate footwear on Monday.  On Tuesday, I told her that I'd buy her some sneakers.  I had to make a promise because her eyes revealed that she didn't believe me.

I took my sister to Boston (to move back to California - but that is a different post) on Tuesday.  On the way back, I swung into the outlets in Kittery.  Stride Rite store = 2 pairs of shoes for this precious treasure.  Not one but two.

I brought them home and surprisingly, this daughter was still awake.  I handed her the box with the sneakers that she'd been promised.

And then I saw those eyes.

Those eyes that express that she's not sure if this is for real.  If these are really for her - to keep.  If she is worth it (a brand new pair of sneakers that came in a BOX!).

Then, when I handed her the 2nd box with another pair of shoes ideal for the next season I saw those overwhelmed eyes that screamed:  "I couldn't possibly be valuable enough to receive 2 pairs of shoes in a BOX!"

It's the look she gets when we celebrate her birthday.  When she gets a birthday cake especially made by her Mama.  It's almost too much.

I wish I could express to her:  You are wonderfully made.  You are worth it!  You have a Prince who DIED for you.  You are WORTH it.  He gave me to you and I want you to (someday) be able to accept this love and know...you are worth it!

Love you baby girl!

And here she is sleeping in her new sneakers.  BTW, she still has the boxes in perfect condition a week later (which is a long time for most American kids of this age).

UPDATED 4/13/12:
The other twin received a new pair of shoes (in a box) today.  When I came home from work, I noticed that the box was in her bed - to the left of her pillow.  She'd slept with the box.  Boxes are IMPORTANT, I guess.  She's told everyone who has entered and exited that she has new NEW shoes.

New shoes and a NEW ($5 clearance) dress = "I'm important; I am worthy; I have value" to kiddos who have gone without.

Bloody Eyes and a Nosey Nurse

Z-man had his 2nd eye surgery on Friday.  Blocked tear ducts.  Had a surgery before his 2nd birthday and it seemed to work. Until last winter.

Finally got around to dealing with it.  Surgery went well.  A little longer than last time but still under an hour.

I arrived in post op.  Nurse seemed fine. Not chatty.  The subtle conversation about "we like it when they sleep."  Well, this time he slept - over an hour.  Woke up fine.  (Last time - slept 10 mins and woke up UGLY!).

I saw blood up his arm/hand and on his face.

Nurse was distant.

Finally:  "So, where did you adopt him?"
Me:  "Hmm.  What makes you think I adopted him?"
Nurse:  Stumble over words.
Me:  "Arizona - where I lived when he was born.  I have 4 kids all together.  He's the 2nd child of the 4."
Nurse:  "I don't get it.  I just don't get how mothers can do that to their kids."

Can you say: HELLO Customer Service Survey? Oh yeah.

And that follows with all of the "Oh my God" people - from the first woman who greeted us at registration - "OMG, he's sooooo cute!" [Well, he was!  Sporting his yellow rain hat and blue rain boots.]

But, did you note on our file that I listed Christian under religious preference?  There are 10 commandments associated with that one...one is to not use God's name like that.  And it continued with a variety of nurses...the OMG comments, that is. 

Otherwise, his care was great!  Docs, nurses, etc...great!  Even the customer service guy was awesome!

This weekend has been pain management, bloody noses and eyes (weird to see blood coming out of your kids' eyes and NOT be grossed out) and lots of snuggles including middle of the night ones.

Friday night (same day as surgery), I hosted a gathering of the twins' bio siblings at our house.  Yes, same night as surgery.  It was (a lot) chaotic but I'm so glad we did this.  Total of 9 kids across 3 families (not all bio).  Started with dinner (sandwiches, fruit salad and chowder) with apple cider/milk or water and animal crackers.  Then, kids played and made a LOT of noise.  Parents tried to talk but we mostly watched the kids.  So great to see how everyone is changing.

Haven't seen everyone since summer and NEVER all together.

Saturday - Some yard sales. Ride in the country to check out the foliage and "red farms".

Z-man got a fishing pole from one of the twins' bio sib's adoptive father.  Very sweet.  Can you say SMILES all around? 

Tonight:  I'm away for the night. A birthday gift from my mom (the child care part) - a night away.  Some R&R are sooo needed.  Single mom. Career. House. 4 kids.

Camping, Camper and Raw Emotions

I had 13 days off. Trying to use up some vacation that I'd lose on 6/1, I just stayed home for a week and then we went camping for 5 days. It started as a 4 day trip but we stayed an extra night because things were going so well.

Well, mostly going well.

We camped in our new camper (that we didn't get to bring home due to problems with the hitch), we went on a boat ride and got to touch under-the-ocean creatures, hiked where I'd hiked with my Mom as a little girl, visit with lots of family, play sporty games with an uncle and a guy cousin (male interaction for my kids is so important and lacking), etc. We ate smores. Every. single.night. The twins slept pretty well with ~6-10 outbursts per night...but slept, mostly.

Mostly well.

Except, I actually admitted that I'm having attachment issues with one of my kids. Admitted to myself. To my Mom (who was along on this trip). I've known this inside but to admit it verbally meant "I really have to deal with this." I don't even know HOW to deal with this.

3 kids I love deeply. Differently but yet the same - I'm their Mom. They are my children. The fourth. Oh, Dear Lord, help me. Help her.

Then, we returned home. And miraculously she seems to be reaching out to me. She still drives me crazy and I don't "get" her. But maybe, a glimpse of hope. Maybe.

What am I going to do if that bonding never comes? Do I move forward with the adoption? Do I (gasp) let her go? If I let her go, I let her sister go (you know, one of those kids I love deeply and have a great bond with). They are a package deal.

Then, in the night, I realized...I have to learn to love/attach/etc... I have to or I lose two. I'll lose a daughter. And, she'll lose a Mama, again. Actually, they'll both lose a Mama - again. And the kids will lose each other (the 4 of them). The second one still seems like someone else's child but the other - she's my daughter and I'm her Mama. So, is it wrong that I have to bond with the second to continue to be the first one's Mom?

Oh, that seems wrong.
Shouldn't I love her for who she is?
Can I?
Can she?

Will she ever fully trust me? Love me? Let me love her?

Will the day ever come when I touch her without hearing her say "OUCH!"? I mean come on - I can't possibly hurt her (unintentionally) every time I touch her! Or, does she feel pain? Do I represent pain to her? Deep pain of her loss? Oh, wow. That is deep.

What am I not providing that she needs? She seems so unsure of herself and her life. Is this normal? Typical? Will it ever change.

What impact does my focus on bonding with her have on the other three kids - the time I spend with her and not with them?

How can there be a child that I can't bond with? How can that be?

Is there a line in the sand that I can't cross on the adoption journey? Do I adopt knowing these things? If I write this out and I adopt, will this post come back to bite me someday?

What do parents who bring their children home from across the oceans do - you know, those toddlers/preschoolers who they don't get a "try-out" period and with whom bonding doesn't happen?

What do parents who birth children who never really bond do?

It's been nearly 10 months.
She was actually the "easier" child in the beginning and her sister was my challenge. That has passed - some time ago.

Oh the guilt.
And, what if "the state" finds out. Can I admit this? Will they come tomorrow and retrieve the kids and their belongings ... never to be seen again?

What if this doesn't work? Is my family complete with two? How can I be thinking about another placement? I have already learned that another child doesn't replace those lost. There is always a hole in my heart. Then, the guilt - how can I even be thinking about the future when the present is so...rocky.

Is this why I've been unable to settle on a middle name for this child? Is she not going to be my child? Was this just for a season? What is/was the Lord trying to teach me? Mold me? Teach my children? Teach M & K?

How.can.this.possibly.be.my.life? Oh wait, I'm supposed to be rejoicing in all things?! Really? How?

And, I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me. Really? Yeah, really.

Oh Lord. Wisdom? Strength? Love? I need them all.

Quote

Natural Child: Any child who is not artificial.
Real Parent: Any Parent who is not imaginary.
Your Own Child: Any child who is not someone else’s child.

Adopted Child: A natural child, with a real parent, who is all my own.
~ unknown

Adoption Quotes

I read this today on another blog. I am placing it here - so I don't lose it. I think it is so well written:

we will walk the road of adoption our whole life. Adoption is not merely a means to an end nor is it a chapter in a book that we can now close. Adoption is tragic and beautiful, loss and hope, brokenness and completion- all in one, and it is knit into the fabric of our family.
My prayer for Havi is that adoption does not define her but is a part of her and is a reminder of the less tangible but most miraculous adoption of all of us who are God’s children. I am so thankful for the tiny glimpse I got into His heart as a parent holding my sweet child for the very first time. I give Him all the glory for the past year we have had with her.

A faith-based initiative is needed in EVERY state...

Let's eliminate the concept of "waiting children" in the US foster care system.

I wish that every state had a faith-based campaign like Arkansas:
http://vimeo.com/6576611

Will you answer the Call?

Single
Married
With kids
Without kids
Empty Nesters
You?

If not you, how can YOU support 'one of the least of these', the 'fatherless', the lonely?

My birthmother is NOT a gorilla!

Tonight we went to pick up photos to take to the twins mother. In the packet, I'd also ordered photos for G and Z's birth mothers. I was in the front of the car showing the kids the photos when I told G that we were going to mail the ones of her to T*. She smiled.

Z piped up and said that he wants to send his to (stumbles on her unique name and then gets it right) D*. He had the biggest smile on his face thinking about sending his birth mother photos of HIM. OK, so maybe it was all about him but I was happy that

1. He knew he had a birth mother.

2. He liked the idea of sending her photos.

3. He knew she'd like to see photos of him (we saw her in June and July of this year - FL and AZ)

Then, he announces D* "is a girl. She's not a gorilla."

4. I was proud that he knew she was NOT a gorilla and that in fact she was female (he has problems with male/female; he/she concepts for some reason - for example, he lives in a house with all girls and calls all of the children "he".)

You should know that he was dead serious - about her NOT being a Gorilla! This wasn't a joke to him. Serious stuff. I was cracking up. He was being serious.

I called her to tell her this. She didn't get to the phone and was freaked out that something was wrong. We followed up by email and I am just so happy to have the chance to share these little stories with her from time-to-time.

Adoption doesn't mean abandonment - when one actually selects this option and makes an adoption plan for their child. Adoption (in our family) = love. She loves her birth son. I love him. He is loved. He knows that there is another person out there who loves him and I hope that this brings comfort to him in the future.

ETA: I'm also thankful that his birth mother is NOT a gorilla. I was thinking about that - LOLOL!!

Loss of a Parent

I read the blog of a BIG family.
One Mama
One bio daughter
38 children - adopted into this BIG family.
Amazing Christian Mama.
Amazing kids.
Tragic things, but love...

Here is something that struck me on her blog today:
"I will have raised them all the same, with boundaries, expectations, with education and spiritual guidance. I'll have provided stability, security, a very decent home with a swimming pool and regular meals...yet most of everything will be loudly rejected,

as accepting me painfully signifies and acknowledges their horrific loss of losing a birth parent, no matter how terrible their former circumstances may have been. It's an awful ordeal to have lost a parent, sentencing a child to a lifetime of grief, abandonment and rejection issues that will simmer under the surface forever, coloring everything they will ever do to some degree.

I can step back and comprehend, through my own tears sometimes, that they're not rejecting me, not furious with me, but with what I represent.

I represent LOSS.

I unknowingly illustrate it each day to them,"

Father's Day:
Father's Day, like it's counterpart Mother's Day, is fraught with difficulties for adopted children, reminding them of major losses and deep inward yearnings, creating an explosive mix. I'm downplaying it, of course, even the fact that I have a dad is kept low key.


Smith Household:
We will also downplay Father's Day today. Paupi and Uncle Kelly are coming over later. Both Fathers BUT not to my children.

Child #1 - lost a bio father at birth. She doesn't even know this, yet. Lost the daily interaction of a Daddy when he opted to leave before she was 2 years old. Now, she gets a call from him every 7-10 days - not consistent, not predictable but thankfully she can't read a calendar yet! But, there is pain there. He doesn't acknowledge it. But she does. And the fact that she has a father is something she torments her brother about.

Child #2 - No bio father.
No adoptive father. There was to be one but...he walked away three weeks before he was to legally become his Daddy. He cared for him for 11 weeks, signed a legal obligation to adopt and make lots of promises to be his Daddy and yet my son is Fatherless. He is old enough to make things up about his "Daddy." Ask him and he'll tell you that his Daddy lives in a red house and has a Thomas the Train movie. When he asks me where his Daddy is, I respond with "I don't know but maybe God will bring us a Daddy for you. someday."

Both children have the BEST Father - The Father to the Fatherless. Thankfully BUT that doesn't provide someone to climb up on his lap and read stories, tuck them in at night or be the recipient of a handmade gift from a nearly 3 year old.

We are NOT going to church today because they've already announced that they are doing a big thing for Fathers and well, our family doesn't really have fathers to parent children. We don't need to encourage any more discussion on a Daddy for Zade to feel empty inside. He doesn't get that God is his father, yet. Someday.

Instead, we'll stay home. All women/girls and a little boy.

I turned on TV this morning as G has woken up as a little "pill" and on our no-commercial TV station for kids, they just had two groups of kids yelling "Happy Father's Day!"....Guess that won't even work. Maybe the beach.

For those with Fathers, HUG THEM today. For those who are fathers, STEP UP. YOU MATTER. period. Don't make promises you can't/won't keep. Love your children's mothers.

OK, moving on. One thing - I'm so thankful that I had good experiences with my Dad as a child. I'm secure in it. I wonder how my kids will end up on this note.

side note: We are all called to love orphans and widows. I wonder if part of it is for the Christian men in our world to come alongside children without Fathers. To show them in human form the love of our Heavenly Father - even in their imperfect ways. If you are a man and you know of a child without a father, please consider showing him the love of our Lord through your words and actions. Maybe you could do this on a long-term basis - Kind of like a Big Brother's program. Informal but yet consistent and long term. What an incredible service opportunity.

One Million Arrows

I just downloaded to Kindle yesterday and will likely come back and record some excerpts here:




Let us devote every child to God and His service. Let us STOP praying that our children will be saved if we are not willing to offer them for His service. Let us lay each child upon the altar. Let us seek this one thing -- that they may become worthy and equipped to be set apart for the service of the King. - 2218



We've been given the exciting opportunity to raise arrows - weapons of warfare. Our kids have been put on this earth for a great purpose and a mission. -2218


My biggest dream for my kids has become for them to always have at the core of everything they do - every motivation and thought - the desire to search for God's dreams for their lives, asking questions like:
How can I make a difference in this world?
What did God create me to do on this planet to help accomplish His purposes?
How can my life be truly fulfilling?
How can I become an arrow for God? -2218

Parenting that focuses less on what your family can do for God and more importantly on what God wants to do through your family. -2218

First call from "the nurse"

We had a great two days/night at a statewide adoptive/foster family event. We rented a cabin, went to the beach twice, went bowling, ran on the grass, ate with a huge group of families, etc...

The time away was just what Mama needed. I can't tell you how refreshing it was. However, add children to any trip and there is always excitement:

1. 1:09 am Saturday morning - I awake to a boy over me and something wet on and around me. Z's first time puking was IN the bed. Chocolate cake, bean salad and pasta. Chunks. OMW! I didn't know where to start. He cried. I remained really calm but could have puked myself. We were in the cabin without a change of sheets so...
I had to rinse his blanket out and hang it in the shower. removed bottom sheet. Made the top sheet the bottom, washed him the best I could and then placed a clean towel under him "just in case there was more", etc.

Of course, that towel was replaced 3X with more towels, hand towels and eventually the bath mat. Poor guy. The place stunk, he was sad. 1 -5 am was puke management. The morning brought sunshine and a SHOWER for Mama.

Some of the Z quotes:
Mama, I need a towel = I'm going to puke.
I want a bath (fromt he kid who hates baths) - made every time he threw up :(
My belly sick. My belly in the toilet. (This one had me laughing outloud at 130 am - He really thought his belly was in the toilet because of the puke that kind of made it in/on the toilet.)


2. Morning came and all seemed resolved. No fever. I thought - hmmm...he'd never had choclate and he'd had a huge piece of chocolate cake for dinner and that was certainly part of what came up. There was nothing left in him body and the chocolate could have been the problem. I struggled with what to do with him during the 2nd day of classes. After 4+ hours of no throwing up and successfully keeping down his breakfast, I took him to the organized children's program.

Then, it happened:
~1030, I got my first call from a nurse about my child.

I said - Do you have a puky boy. Nope.
He was so tired he was lying on the floor during snack and eating the goldfish with his head on the floor. They thought he was tired so they took him to the nurse and now he was sleeping in her room.

I went to check him at lunch. He woke up. Felt warm. We took his temp and yup - 101 temp BUT...what does that mean. Nothing. He came with me for the afternoon to a class. He entertained himself by sticking literally 25 bandaids on his knees/legs. He was a good boy but then started whining so we left with ~30 mins to go. Picked up sis, went to the beach, threw rocks, stopped in to Uncle's house, headed home.

He came home and immediately peed on the floor 2X after 4 days of successfully training without any accidents. Bedtime. He was out immediately.

The conference was great. Sessions were good. I felt like it was a good use of time. However, I didn't really connect with other families. I just happened to pick the wrong tables both meals and the sessions/conference didn't promote meeting others. That was the only negative.

I did offer to teach a haircare class next time as I saw a number of little girls "of color" who had unkept hair. Only one other girl had braids/beads and the rest were just...sad. Their Mama's need help and they knew it. Me teaching haircare...hmmmm.....

Oh, and I learned on Friday from one of the licensing workers (not mine) that I was considered for a very young baby last week but they decided that my kids were too young for a child that young or perhaps with the issues he/she had. Who knows...
-I was excited to learn that they were talking about/considering me.
-I realized that things are really different on this journey in that other people get to decide which child I bring home...not a birth mother. Someone else. That didn't feel good BUT then I quickly remembered, God is in charge! The social/licensing workers are his conduits.

New Hands

G got up in the night and got in bed with me. I asked her if she'd been dreaming. She said "yes."

K: What about?
G: Getting new hands.
K: What?
G: I was dreaming about going to a store to get new hands; and arms; and feet.
K: Why?
G: Because I wanted new hands like Rylee.
K: What kind of hands does Rylee have?
G: Bright ones.
K: Hm, what does that mean?
G: I don't like my hands. I want bright ones like Rylee's. And yours.
K. (Pause). Do you know that you have brown hands? (Pause). I call them beautiful brown!
G: Yes. I don't like them. I want bright ones likek Rylee's. (Pause). What color hands does Memae have?
K: White. Well, she calls them olive.
G: And Auntie?
K: White.
G: I want hands like Rylee's.
K: :(

To care for orphans & widows

Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you. - James 1:27

• UNICEF says there are 143 million orphans.


• According to gov. censuses, there are 2 billion Christians.


• If 7% of Christians adopted, there would be no orphans.

I recognize that not all people are called to adopt. However, we are all called to care for orphans and widows. How can you do that?

-Adopt

-Foster care

-Support children (think Big Brothers/ Big Sisters approach)

-Support Foster families

-Support Famililes who have adopted



How would you support families? Offer them a night out, provide hand-me-down clothes/toys/bikes/equipment, make a meal, pray for them, support their children with resources for the "extras" in life, come along side and see what their needs are and how you can help.



Adoption has a whole stigma with it. I'm reading a book on the role of Christians in adoption/caring for orphans. I'll probably come back and either add to this post or post again.



Don't feel guilty. Not ALL are called to adopt but ALL Christians are called to help orphans. How are you doing that?

Day 11 & My Fingers Got Dirty

Well, today is day 11 of my journey to my THIRD child...yup...that is right.

This photo? Me exiting the local jail after being fringer printed!

I went to the local sheriff's office only to be told that I needed to go across the parking lot to the jail...to be finger printed. So there I was watching a whole lot of chaos.

A seemingly grumpy lady ended up being nicer than her rough exterior conveyed. She worked my fingers into that black ink and completed two sets of prints that will be sent off to the local FBI processing center. They take ~10 days to process.

Since leaving AZ and moving to ME, I have embarked on a new learning experience but it seems quite familiar to how my family has been formed thus far.

Remaining:

-24 hours of classes

-a medical release for me (Must be completed by a physician. I'm hoping that my AZ physician can complete this since I don't yet have a physician in ME)

Then...Phase II:

-fire marshall inspection

-social worker interviews/visits

-Writing up a profile

-Approval to adopt

Then....Phase III: The Wait.

I can't believe that in 11 days all but two items for which I am responsible have been completed and submitted.

Request: Please pray for my future son or daughter. May he/she be safe tonight, tomorrow and between now and then - whether he/she is in a uterus tonight or is in a crib somewhere. May he/she feel some love - seriously, the sense of being loved/cared for/connected to at least one other human being.

Thanks!

Life = a crazy journey!

Getting around to blogging

So, the move has resulted in a lot of changes including NOT blogging. I actually just backed up and then deleted my 3.5 year wordpress blog. I wanted a little more privacy and I think blogger provides that.

So I don't forget:

1.16.10: Z at walmart said: "I smell junk" to a lady who approached him to say "hi". She was a smoker and apparently he didn't like it. Funny what they say. This same lady saw us a few times in the store and finally said it: "Have you had them since birth?" I paused and looked at her and said "Yes." I attempted to move on and then there it came: Oh, are they biologically your children? I lied thinking she'd go away. How silly of me. Then she continued with "Oh, I thought they were adopted. They don't look anything like you." I responded with "Yeah, we get that a lot since we moved to Maine." Ugh! Guess I can't lie to get rid of these people (not a good idea anyway) since I have a nearly 4 year old who KNOWS she is adopted. People.

I told the kids if they obeyed shopping we could go "out" to eat. They were pretty good so G picked Taco Bell. We pulled up and I got Z out of the car first. He kind of freaked out and didn't want to go in. We went in. Well, after 4 bites, he freaked out. I swear he had a panick attack or something. He didn't like it when people entered the building and he just gave up on eating. Before it was over, I was rocking him in my arms like a baby. We came home. He went right to bed. I should note that he did NOT have a nap at all but still...

1.17.10: Z is 2.5 years. We had a small "half birthday" celebration with an German Apple Strudel (that he helped make but didn't like it!). He did like blowing out the single candle I put in the middle (3 times). He didn't like the homemade bean soup I made for him either. Oh well, he's 2.5 years.

Oh, Z just went into a toddler bed. I thought he was throwing a lot of toys out of his crib. Well, it was HIM climbing in and out. I realized this one day when I went to check in on him at nap time. He was standing in the middle of the floor. Well, he's now in the other bedroom and I took the front section off of the crib to make it a toddler bed. He slept on the floor the first 2 nights and now sleeps in his bed. I loves jumping on it the most! G loves her new room (switched rooms) and the fact that I painted it pink! Zade misses the front windows - he loved watching the cul de sac and all the happenings (minimal, BTW).

G's portrait of me today (1.18.10):

Comments from Strangers

Well, moving to Maine I suspected (OK, knew) this would happen but it did. Is this week 3? And 2:3 in just one morning - a 3 hour outing.

#1
We went downtown (Portland, ME) and stopped at the farmer's market. An older woman stopped and asked: "Where did they come from?" referencing my kids. In my head I thought:

-The moon?
-My Vag*na
-None of your freakin' business?
-Who are you? What is wrong with you?

Answer: We are from Arizona.

Then, I realized she was essentially wearing a low-end snowmobile outfit with winter boots - in the city in September. Now, it was chilly today. We wore sweaters (and capris/shorts). There was something mentally wrong with this woman. I shrugged it off and went about our business. I think she just verbalized what others must think.

Then...
#2:
We went to the library and in the middle of reading my two kids a book a disheveled looking woman in a pink sweatshirt who was in her 30s or maybe 40 interupted:

"Excuse me."
Yes?
"You are soooo beautiful." Directed at Gianna. She asked how old she was and then how older brother was. Innocent and sweet Gianna answered all of this stranger's questions. I sat and watched her, my kids, my purse and smelled the tobacco roll off of her (and she wasn't even that close to me!).

Apparently all of her questions to my child were complete so she turned to me and stated:
"Their father must be pretty dark, hugh?"

I paused (you'd all be so proud, I paused - they say that is a sign of wisdom but I did it for emphasis).

I stared at her.
(I thought of saying some wild things like: "Nope, he's a red-headed Irishman but that isn't exactly true.)

I quietly and calmly without much emotion in my voice said:
"That's a really personal question."
I looked at her for a moment and went back to reading to my lovely children.
She got the point and walked away.

#3 (+):
We left and a lovely man sitting on the corner waiting for someone/something spoke to Gianna in the kindest tone and said:
"Your hair is beautiful."
(This was NOT one of those - Oh my word, I've never seen a white woman with an ethnically mixed child and I'm going to say something so I'm going to comment on her hair. Nope.
This was a black man with his ethnically mixed little boy who was openly being kind to my child. So calm and gentle and nice.). Gianna smiled and we went to our car.

So....it happened. Classless.

Strange FB request

The mother of the first baby we'd been matched to adopt - Lauren. Learned that Lauren was born on Jan. 3rd and lives with her Daddy. Just odd. Didn't accept the friend request.

Hmm....got me wondering.